On purpose. Again.

What if I can’t find a purpose? I could go on describing my struggles and obstacles (or just laziness) in doing so but it really boils down to one thing: I can’t figure it out, and I don’t know how. I feel like a little bitch for being so lost and needy,and a lot of my misfortune is indirectly my fault, I will admit that, but it feels like I’m just not interested enough, or capable enough for anything. I know, I need to work hard, do everything and anything, but with pressure from people to succeed comes expectation and then I just want to quit. Even financially I’m screwed, personally, and in the bigger sense, considering half of my classes were canceled. I just want a fucking purpose to be inspired by, to strive for, to really want; a realistic goal. I’m not even re-reading this, I want to be as honest with myself (and you) as possible because I want to fix it.

If you can’t find a purpose, then you’ll be forever cursed. You’ll be parched of thirst and unable to quench it. You’ll be starving to death and never die. You’ll feel nothing. Not the wind on your face, nor the spray of the sea — no, wait. I’m sorry. That’s from a fucking Disney movie.

You live in a spoiled candy bubble if you think getting screwed “in the bigger sense” is having half your classes canceled.

Maybe you should quit whining and grow the fuck up.

Better yet, marry rich and squirt out a couple of kids. That should keep you distracted in a vague, though not altogether unpleasant sort of way. Then you can check back with me with the same silly question in a couple of decades when you’re ready for a mid-life crisis.


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