On redneck problems

I’m 20 years old and from a very conservative Christian family. I have always been the most experimental, open minded, and liberal thinking member of the family (even from a young age), and I think it scared my parents half to death. I expirimented with different drugs, drinking, sex; things I would consider normal teenager stuff. I went to a charter school for the arts (theater major), broke the records in my high school for highest ACT and SAT scores yet attained, and am considered by a few friends to be well-spoken.

I’ve always had an extra large craving for attention, and although I might be a bright kid- I definitely lack in the stability department. When I was about 16-17 I went through a personal reformation where I accepted Jesus, quit drinking and drugs, and personally adopted my parents lifestyle. This was all spurred by surviving bad experience with some hallucinogenic drugs mixed with too many opiates.

I also decided to get married. One week after my graduation.

I’m married to a decent man, who is very honest, very hardworking,  cleans, cooks, scrapes my icy windsheild before he leaves for work, and puts up with all of my drama. The only problem is, when I decided to get married to him, I was very very southern baptist, and thought I always would be. I’ve changed a lot since I got married at 18.

I’m pro-choice, I believe (strongly) in pre-marital sex, and support gay marriage- you know, the standard beliefs that most intelligent, not bible thumping rednecks. I no longer believe in the silly religion I once did, and this really pains my husband.

We were separated for about 4 months, in which I lived on my own, made a lot of really smart and funny friends, had some mind blowing romantic/ sexual experiences outside of my marriage, and had a few mind-expanding and safe experiences with a drug or two. When my husband found out about this (rather suddenly, and due to unexpected circumstances) he was heartbroken and said he still wanted to love me forever, and continue to form a happy and intertwined love with each other as a married couple. My family and all of my friends from home were very supportive of this, and we are now living together again in a beautiful penthouse apartment that he pays for.

The thing is- I miss my wild side. I am a really truly free spirit, and i don’t feel like I will ever live up to what he hopes I will be (domestic. religious. tame. subservient. a breeder.) He’s in the military, and I know he loves my vivid and wild personality, I think he really craves the traditional/stereotypical military wife experience.

I love to fuck. I LOVE to fuck, and I love to fuck interesting people. I love to go out and have some fun when I’ve earned it with eclectic, passionate people. I love to share  and epic high every blue moon. I want to travel, and learn, and be free, and spend my days however i want- instead of feeling like a bird in a cage.

But I know my husband is a great man, doesn’t lie often, would never cheat, and will always change the baby’s diaper in the middle of the night when we procreate.

Do you think it would be better for me to stay in my marriage, and do what my family believes is the “right thing” (to a good man, mind you)? Or do you think maybe I should consider getting a divorce, and developing my own life before I try to intertwine it with someone elses?

What the fuck, country music? Seriously, let’s set this shit to some twangy guitar and get Taylor Swift to yodel about your poor life decisions at the CMA awards.

I’m glad your husband is a good man, but you’ll never be happy with a conservative christian soldier as your life partner. That being said, you made your vows. He deserves every opportunity to grow with you.

You are obligated to do everything you can to bring him to the party. You have no choice but to spend a few years browbeating him with your free-spirited libertine values until he evolves into an Obama-voting bisexual pot farmer.

Give it all you got, and while you’re at it find a military spouse scholarship and go to fucking college.

If you guys aren’t hosting atheist swinger parties by the time you get your bachelors degree, then divorce his ignorant ass and move to the city.

Whatever you do, don’t get pregnant.


8 thoughts on “On redneck problems

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