On seeing forever at twenty

I read your “On Sowing Wild Oats Together”. I’m with someone I see forever with, which I know is a sweeping statement for a 20-year old. In this case, I’m the one who’s itching to sow some wild oats. I haven’t revealed these thoughts to my boyfriend but because of his relatively conservative nature, I’m afraid that he’ll think less of me and that I think less of him. I don’t think open relationships are his cup of tea and I don’t want to kindle a topic like this lest it continues to burn in the back of his mind. Additionally, I’m held back my selfish and cowardly fear that I’ll lose him, and that the other side isn’t so green. What should I do?

It’s not that the grass is all that much greener when you’re off sowing your wild oats. (It’s pretty much the same shade of green wherever you happen to be standing.) It’s that the other side of your particular fence has a lot more roses to stop and smell. More thorns, too.

Whether you’re sowing wild oats, gathering ye rosebuds, or just looking for some greener grass, there isn’t a clichéd gardening metaphor that’s going to help you figure this out. You’re twenty. Even if you’re willing to acknowledge your limited ability to conceive of forever, you still don’t know shit about the person you’re going to be in ten years.

Your problem isn’t that you’re missing your window to explore your sexuality with other partners. Your problem is that you’re still naive enough to think that this is your only window. It’s not.

Life is gonna fuck with you, kiddo. Your circumstances are going to change. So will you. I’m not saying it’ll be better or worse. I’m just saying it’s gonna be different in ways that you aren’t even capable of predicting. In other words, the forever you’re imagining with this guy is a fantasy.

Your heart is going to get broken one day. You may think that’s bad news, but it’s not. It’s all part of the experience. Hell, this guy you’re with right now might not even be the one who breaks it. Who the fuck knows? Point is, this isn’t gonna be your only relationship. You’ll end up sowing some wild oats. It might be a few years from now, but it’ll happen.

Just promise me in the meantime you won’t do anything stupid like get married (or worse, knocked up), especially if you’re in the kind of relationship where you can’t even be open with your partner about your sexual and emotional needs because you’re afraid of his “conservative nature.” That’s a recipe for a miserable fucking life.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *