On six californias

What do you think of the proposition to make six Californias?

The aren’t six Californias. There are three — Southern, Central, and Northern — and they fucking hate each other. Everyone knows this.

We’ve got an assfull of insufferable dotcom capitalists to the north, a herd of shit-kicking republican farmers in the middle, and a gaggle of godless Hollywood liberals down south — three entrenched regional power bases so diametrically opposed to one another that they couldn’t agree on the color of money, much less how to run the twelfth largest economy in the world.

Since you can always count on one of the three regions to fuck the other two, the state government has spent the last forty years grinding down into a useless, bankrupt pile of shit. That’s why this VC douchenozzle from up north is proposing to break up the state into governable chunks.

Fundamentally, it’s not the worst idea in the world, but this super-rich dork has an ulterior motive. He loves the smell of his own farts so much that he thinks Silicon Valley deserves to be its own gated community, which is absolutely fucking insane. Of course, he can’t justify such an outrageous proposition without inventing five other states to make it seem rational, most of which also happen to be conveniently republican. Fuck that noise.

He’s overcomplicated the issue with his personal rich-asshole politics. Fine, whatever. It’s not like anyone takes the proposition seriously. At the end of the day, this is all just a silly legacy building hobby for a bored rich asshole who was forced into early retirement by his rich asshole business partners. They should all go shit themselves and die.


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