Dear Coquette,

I started dating an older guy about four months ago. Even though I waited a while to sleep with him and tried to take it slow, he somehow Jedi mind-tricked me, and it turned into a casual sex relationship. Once I realized this, I was already addicted to the sex and couldn’t shake the habit. Like all women do, I eventually started to get attached. It seemed like things started moving in the right direction and then, BAM, I find out he’s married. His wife is out of the country and isn’t coming back for over a year and I’m not sure if they 1) are still married, 2) got married for his citizenship or 3) are separated. He has no idea that I know, and I have been avoiding him while I try to figure out what to do. He is starting to get impatient and frustrated that I have been unavailable. I don’t know what to do or whether to tell him, “Hey, I know you are married because i stalked your Facebook.” 

Nothing but brutal life lessons will ever come out of a relationship with a manipulative and married older man, so end it. You don’t even owe him an explanation. Just break up with him. Boom. Done.

Now that the simple stuff is out of the way, let’s focus on your real problem. You are pathetic, my dear. You’re a whiny little brat with a victim mentality and no integrity, and you’ve got to change your entire mode of thinking.

This guy didn’t Jedi mind-trick you. He’s just smarter than you, and you’re not willing to accept responsibility for your own sex life. Also, you weren’t “addicted to the sex,” nor was it a habit you couldn’t shake. You merely enjoyed the sex, but you’re so uncomfortable with your own sexuality that you can’t even acknowledge taking willful pleasure in it.

Essentially, you’re slut-shaming yourself. Stop doing that. There’s nothing wrong with being in a casual sexual relationship. However, there is something wrong betraying people’s trust by violating their privacy. You kind of got what you deserved when you discovered he was married, but still, have some integrity. It’s not OK to snoop around and Facebook stalk.

Dear Coquette,

How many one-night stands can a girl have before normal people start to judge her?

Oh dear, there is so much wrong with this question. First of all, there’s no such thing as normal people, darling. Not the way you mean it. We’re all freaks. Every last one of us.

Secondly, quit putting your sexual encounters on a scoreboard. How many one-night stands you have is far less important than why you’re having them in the first place.

Finally, your sex life is nobody else’s business. Quit worrying about being judged, and do what you can to cut judgmental people out of your life. Respect yourself, enjoy your sexuality, and ignore the haters.

Dear Coquette,

I may have let my flirting get the best of me, and now this guy expects me to hook up with him. Should I just suck it up and sleep with him?

Ugh, I want to reach through my computer and smack you upside the head. You never have to sleep with a guy just because he expects you to hook up with him. Come on, girl. Have some dignity.