On three phases of sex.

Dear Coquette,

I had sex for the first time the other night, and ever since, I’ve been down on myself. It’s gotten to the point where whenever I read, “Virgins are like unicorns these days” or some stuff like that, I get this cringe-y feeling in my stomach. I just feel depressed. How do I overcome this? I’m probably just being hormonal, huh?

Nope, it’s not hormones. What you’re experiencing is a thick warm slice of good old-fashioned sexual shame. It’s ugly stuff, and the best way to overcome it is to start critically examining the cultural cues that cause you to feel that way. You can’t help but live in a society that shames you for having sex, but you sure as hell don’t have to listen to it.

You’ve been conditioned to believe that virginity is sacred and sex is dirty, when neither is particularly true. If you’re ready to be sexually active, that’s OK. If you’re not, that’s OK too. Either way, your sexuality isn’t a bad thing. It’s a natural part of the human condition, and as long as you’re smart about it and practice safe sex, you have no reason to feel ashamed.

The sex is getting boring after two and half years. He’s not putting in the same effort to get me into it like he used to. We’ll just be lying together still and quiet, and he’ll very abruptly ask for it. It’s not sexy at all, and then I feel reluctant. How do I fix it?

It took two and a half years for the sex to get boring? That’s not bad, considering you sound like the type who just lies there. Light your own damn fire, lady. It’s not his job to get you into it. If you want foreplay, initiate it yourself. Tell him what you want. Make an effort, and I have no doubt he’ll reciprocate.

I’m dating an older man. He’s sexy, funny, successful and charming, but recently he’s been having some erectile issues. He’s avoiding Viagra as a point of pride, but I know it would help. How do I convince him to use the little blue pill without hurting his feelings?

Yeah, been there. You might wanna suggest taking it together recreationally. That way, it becomes a kinky thing instead of a dysfunction thing. Most likely, you’ll only need to get him to try it once. After that, he’ll keep a bottle by the bedside table.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *