On tolerating idiots

My boyfriend is ridiculously funny and charming when it’s just the two of us but is quiet and reserved in social situations. He says he just needs to ‘get to know everyone better’ but it’s been 3 months. He’s literally a different person when we’re alone – what is up with that? – 21/f

Dear 21/f,

When you say your boyfriend is “quiet and reserved in social situations,” what you really mean to say is that he “keeps to himself when he’s forced to hang out with my friends.”

When your boyfriend says he “just needs to get to know everyone better,” what he really means to say is that he “just needs a little more time to figure out how to tolerate those idiots.”

Yes, your boyfriend thinks your friends are idiots. The only reason he puts energy into being funny and charming around you is because you grant him what I imagine is very limited access to your vagina.

I’m sure he’d be funny and charming to your friends if they did the same.

(Just so you know, that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach is what you get for misusing the word “literally.” That’s what’s up with that.)


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