Advice

On total fucking indifference

Hi, first of all I love you, don’t care who you are I’m just happy this exists. You’ve helped me stop being a doormat. But can you teach me how to ruin my ex’s life with my own self respect? We are part of the same group of friends and if I go off and start my own life I will be losing some of my friends, I think.  I want to be around him but I want to be fair to myself and make him wish he didn’t fuck around.

I can teach you how to ruin your ex’s life, or I can teach you how to have self respect. Those are mutually exclusive lessons, babe.

I highly recommend you choose self respect. To whatever degree that allows you to be in the same room with him, that’s entirely up to you. I don’t know the circumstances of his particular fuckery, but odds are, he didn’t get wildly creative in his betrayal, just some garden variety episode of cheating.

In other words, he’s nothing special. Act accordingly.

Hit him with total fucking indifference. Mean it. Show him neither love nor hate. Let him neither charm nor annoy you. As difficult as it may seem, give him only the common courtesy afforded to strangers.

The trick here is for it not to be an act. It’s not that you’re trying to insult him by not laughing at his jokes. It’s that you simply don’t care. He doesn’t even get an eye roll out of you. Do you see what I’m getting at?

You’re not doing this for any desired effect on him, by the way. This is for you. Sure, it will drive him crazy in a way that you will enjoy, but try not to enjoy it. Be indifferent to that too. Well and truly give not one ounce of fuck about anything he says or does, and I promise, you will be content with the way things turn out.

Your friends will think you’re a bad ass, too.

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