I can’t tell if I’m his therapist, or his girlfriend. What do I do?
Do you have kids together? Are you in love? No? Break up with him. Life is too short. Go find someone remarkable.
Author Archives: CQ
On being more specific.
When I get home from school and change my clothes, I often find blobs of white goo on my inner thighs. What’s wrong with me?
Um, this really depends on whether you’re a guy or a girl.
On sugar daddies.
I am 22 and a girl and I would like to find an older gentleman who could help out with the bills. How do I go about that?
Sign up at seekingarrangement.com. Treat it like any other job.
On high school.
I’m in love with my best friend and I have been for about a year or so. Problem is, he’s had a girlfriend for about four months now. I respect that, and it’s not like I’m not gonna move in on that. But I need to get over him somehow, and the easiest way is to find another guy.
Well, this should be all fine and dandy, because at 16, I’m bored, single, and almost able to drive (by almost I mean six more months). The problem is, apparently all high school boys expect girls to be easy. I’m not easy, hence, this isn’t fucking easy for me.
Should I just completely lower my standards and bone jump the next guy who gives me a pretty smile, and maybe have some fun? I mean, I just don’t know how I’d get over him otherwise.
The easiest way to get over your feelings isn’t to fuck another guy. Bone jumping the next boy who gives you a pretty smile might work in the anonymity of a Hollywood club, but in a high school setting that’s actually pretty messy.
All high school boys want to fuck, but that doesn’t mean they expect girls to be easy. They wish girls were easy, but there’s a huge difference between wishing and expecting.
With that in mind, don’t lower your standards. I’m all about having fun, but never at the expense of my dignity. You’re logic is flawed here, in that you don’t have to be easy to be desired. You can be a righteous whore without ever compromising your morals.
Take a hot minute and pick an available boy that you might enjoy. Go have some fun with him. Feel free to do whatever you want, but make sure it’s what you want.
You’re the one with the teenage pussy. Don’t ever forget that. Don’t ever let the balance of power shift.
Just go enjoy yourself.
On being rude.
I’m seeing someone who is not exclusive with me and lies to me. Do you think when I cut things off with him, to use the phrase, “I don’t think you deserve me.” or “you’re not good enough for me.”, would be entirely too rude?
Sweetie, you’re not being rude enough.
Short of giving his best friend a blowjob, there’s very little you could do to end the relationship that would be too rude.
On bad news.
I am in the breaking-bad-news business lately. what is the best way to bring up sad or uncomfortable news that minimizes shock and judgment and maximizes patience and understanding?
Hmm… are you firing people, or is this a “you might want to get yourself tested” type situation?
In either case, just get it over with. Be respectful. Be brief. Be direct. Make sure it’s private. Don’t corner anyone with the bad news. If you’re going to ruin someone’s day, at least give them access to the door.
Say what you gotta say, and then shut the fuck up. Allow for reaction. Allow them to process for a moment. Be compassionate, but remain as unemotional as possible. Let them be the ones to broach the silence.
Answer questions in as few words as possible. Don’t ramble, and don’t drag it out. If you’ve said what you need to say and all questions have been answered, end the conversation.
Good luck.
On tattoo ideas
What’s a good tattoo idea?
Get a pretty little butterfly tattooed onto your lower back.
That way, all the boys will know you’re an unoriginal whore, and it will give them a place to aim while fucking you from behind so as to avoid eye contact during orgasm.
Or maybe, you could reflect on the important themes and meaningful events in your life and imagine a visual representation of your inner-most passions that you would like to permanently embed into the living canvas of your skin.
Or get a star next to your cooter.
On beef curtains.
I was having a conversation earlier today with a man I am involved with(not yet sexually) and somehow the topic of vaginas came up and he went off on how women with large labia minora are disgusting, and then continuously referred to them as “arbys beef and cheddar” “roast beef” and “beef curtains”. From this my pussy quenched tight and my stomach churned out of disappointment, I wanted to vomit, my vagina is in the large labia minora category. I then told him that, at his age, I would assume that his sexual maturity would be high enough that the appearance of a pussy, unless covered in herpes sores, wouldn’t matter to him because they all function the same way. From this, he got the implication that my vagina had the large labia minora and proceeded to tell me things weren’t going to work out. I am now back to square one, my short contentment with the appearance of my vagina has been run to shambles because this is not the first I’ve heard of men hating “beef curtains”. I am heavily considering getting a labiaplasty to avoid any future issues on the subject.
First of all, your pussy clenched. Under these circumstances, I assure you it did not quench.
Secondly, the conversation you were having was not with a man. It was with a half-retarded Dane Cook fan whose locker-room opinion isn’t worth the virginity he undoubtedly has yet to lose.
If you insist that searing off your pussy lips with a James Bond laser is a good idea, at least do it for yourself and not to please some adolescent asshole.
Anyone who refers to your vagina as fast food doesn’t deserve to influence your self image whatsoever, so if you want to avoid future issues on the subject, perhaps you should cut the douchebags out of your life instead of cutting the flesh off of your genitals.
Just think about it.
On more whining.
i’m in a funk. i need to get out of it. my fiance is a peach and always tries to support whatever i do, but lately i can’t seem to get happy about anything. art school fell through and i feel stuck. what can i do? i want to jumpstart my life!
Art school fell through. Wow. Couldn’t pull that together, huh? While resisting the urge to impugn your masculinity, let’s just say you’re probably better off.
Quit whining. Go make art.
On starting out right.
im 16, and lost my virginity a few weeks ago. it was at a small party, and we both were down to fuck. he’s a really really lovely boy, and he wasnt a dick about it afterwards. we were friends beforehand, so it wasnt awkward at all. we agreed we’d keep having sex, but im just worried i’ll fall for him. cause fuck, i can already feel myself wanting to cuddle with him.
and he made me cum on the first go, so i dont really want to let this one go, until ive fucked him some more.
i know this isnt really a question, but i just need advice on what to do.
Fuck his brains out. Cuddle with him like you’re practicing yoga on the same mat.
Savor every minute of it. Don’t be afraid.