On a bitch and a cutter.

Dear Coquette,

My father has agreed that I shouldn’t have to attend church if I don’t want to, but I should find another morally enriching pastime to take up my Sunday mornings to help appease my religious mother’s rage. Any suggestions of altruistic ways for this 18-year-old to spend her time?

Volunteer at a hospital. Serve at a soup kitchen. Become a big sister. Don’t do it to appease your mother’s sanctimonious rage. Do it because it’s a better use of your time.

Putting in actual work on behalf of those less fortunate than you is infinitely more righteous than wasting your Sunday in supplication to some imaginary dictator in the sky.

A very close friend of mine recently moved in with a woman he’s been on and off with for the past year. I really don’t like her. She bosses my friend around and insults his friends and family to their faces. I want to stay in my friend’s life, but it’s getting harder to hold my tongue around her and I’m afraid I’ll say something one day that will damage my friendship with him irreparably. Do I disappear before it gets messy, or can I do something to cope with her behavior? He’s made it very clear that they’re a package deal. I’m happy and in a relationship, so I don’t think jealousy is coloring this situation. I just hate to see him with someone that acts like such a manipulative, pretentious bitch.

Your friend has made his choice, and if he wants to move in with a bitch, he’ll have to suffer the consequences of alienating his friends and family. Maybe he’ll learn his lesson. Maybe he won’t. Either way, you’re not obligated to stick around and put up with the girlfriend’s negativity.

At the very least, you should let your friend know that things aren’t going to end well. Shoot him straight. Let him know how you feel. Tell him you’ll do your best to bite your tongue, but if you can’t, then you’ll have to make yourself scarce while she’s around.

Just remember, mouthing off to the girlfriend will get you nothing but a brief moment of satisfaction, and it will cripple your friendship as long as they’re together.

Why does cutting myself make me feel better? I don’t cut deep. Is it really that bad if it “centers” me when I’m at my worst?

Cutting doesn’t center you. It just sends a rush of endorphins through your system. All you’re doing is chasing a cheap high because you don’t have the coping skills to handle your emotions. Find a healthier way. Don’t rationalize self-harm.


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