On a certain kind of life

My boyfriend and I have known each other for 5 years, and we’ve been together for the last year and a half. He’s 27 and I’m 23. We’re in the process of leaving our respective apartments to move into one together. I assume this means he’ll propose sometime afterward, and he’s alluded to it several times after a couple beers. However, that whole “I’ve never found anyone greater! You’re my soouuulmate!” (shit everyone thinks when they start a new relationship) got thrown out the window like a big gulp on the highway a pretty long time ago.

We’ve had our fair share of break ups and make ups, and what I’m simply learning is that we’re alright with each other. We spend majority of both our time with one another, we’re best friends, we’re good room-mates, we have good sex, and he’s head over heels for me. I think we’re practical, but I’m worried maybe I could be settling just because it “makes sense.”

Doesn’t every couple eventually get this way? Or am I just being an asshole?

Yes, every couple gets this way, and yes, you are settling. Then again, yes, it does make sense, and yes, you’ve got it pretty much as good as it gets.

What do you want me to tell you? You two are best friends who have good sex and can live together without climbing the walls. That’s a fucking marriage right there, with bonus points if you can stand being around his family.

Thing is, do you want that life? If you do, great. Go get a dog, squirt out a couple of kids, and start wearing ugly jeans.

If not though, be strong enough to admit it. This isn’t about your boyfriend. I’m sure he’s fine, but he’s also as interchangeable as a side item on an Applebee’s menu. This is about a certain kind of middle mind, middle class, middle of the road American experience that you’re signing up for at a relatively young age.

Again, if that’s what you want, cool. There’s nothing wrong with eatin’ good in the neighborhood, but I get the sense that you really don’t know how to feel about any of it.

Be careful. You don’t strike me as self-realized enough to be content with what’s being handed to you, but neither are you dumb enough to be happy leading an unexamined life. That’s a recipe for disaster.

I don’t mean to freak you out, but if you follow the path of least resistance without some honest self exploration, you’re just setting yourself up for a miserable seven year itch followed by a tacky mid-life crisis.

Good luck figuring it all out.


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