Best-Of Advice

On a contender

He’s a twenty-nine year old business owner with an enormous personality, well traveled, well read too. He’s incredibly nice but he’s ring leader of his wild circus of asshole friends.

I’m a twenty-three year old college dropout who’s back in school and just came through the tail end of my depression. I’m nice, I read, but am a very good (boring) girl who over thinks everything.

Please just tell me why it’s not going to work out before I fall tits up in love with him and his Ewan McGregor smile? I want to think that in time I can become a contender but that seems…unrealistic. Give it to me Coquette; hurt me so he can’t.

If you need me to point out a bunch of red flags and tell you why a particular relationship is doomed, I can do that, but that’s not what you’re really asking me. You just want me to say the magic words that will protect you from emotional vulnerability. Sorry, kiddo. There’s no such thing as magic.

Pain is inevitable. Relationships end. You are going to get hurt — maybe by this guy, but definitely by someone you care about, and there’s nothing you can do but accept it. If you live your life trying to avoid the possibility of future pain, you will end up a numb and timid creature without any stories worth telling.

Go ahead and fall tits up in love. Enjoy the feeling while it lasts. Just promise me you’ll quit thinking of yourself as a contender. That mindset is poisonous. You are worthy of him. Timing and circumstance might prevent you two from ending up in a relationship, but no matter what else happens, you are fucking worthy of him.


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