Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

I don’t get why you’re down with Hillary (as opposed to grudgingly accepting her). I thought of you as more radical than that.
I’m actually down with Bernie Sanders. He’ll get my money, time, and support for as long as he can stay in the race. Hillary will end up getting my vote, because we live in a two party plutocracy, and she’ll ultimately win the Democratic nomination.

What’s the next step after realizing you’re a narcissist?

Stop behaving like one.

One of my worst fears is getting fat, and I hate myself for it.

You’ve got that backwards. You hate yourself, and therefore one of your worst fears is getting fat.

Are you anti-marriage?

I’m indifferent to marriage, but I’m anti-religion and anti-patriarchy.

Rent or buy in LA?

If you plan on owning the property for at least five years and you qualify for a 30 year fixed with rates and insurance under 5%, go ahead and buy. Otherwise, just rent. Remember to factor in property tax, HOA fees, and LADWP rates when comparing monthly costs of ownership versus rental.

Where would you put sex on Maslow’s hierarchy?

That depends entirely on your motivation for sex.

I’m not brave enough to commit suicide but I can’t stand being alive. I don’t know what to do.

Being alive is temporary enough. If you want to act bravely, find a way to unburden yourself by changing your circumstances. I don’t know you, so I can’t tell you how, but the sum total of all your pain only equals your burden. It does not equal your life.

What is “normcore” all about?

It’s not about anything. Think of normcore as the antimatter of fashion. It’s anti-aesthetic as aesthetic, which is inherently a self-annihilating concept, because the moment you identify something as normcore, it becomes fashion, and therefore ceases to be normcore.

He’s “crazy about” me but not going to be monogamous because he doesn’t want to “deprive himself” of any possible experiences he could encounter. Tell me what I already know.

He’s selfish, but in a typical way. He’s honest, but in a self-serving way. He’s not in love with you, but then again, you’re not in love with him either. This isn’t you feeling heartbroken. This is you feeling annoyed because your pussy isn’t lined with gold.


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