On a loser.

Dear Coquette,

My boyfriend just went to jail. He had a court date and they took him into custody for not complying with his probation. His sentencing isn’t for another month and I’m going to do everything I can to be there. He knows I’m here for him, as does his family, and I already told him I’d wait, no matter how long it takes. I’ve been completely in love with him since I was a teen, but between the time I met him (when I was 14 years old) and now, I’ve been with other guys. While he’s away now, I’m just going to keep to myself. I really don’t want anyone else. He’s everything I want, even though he’s made mistakes. I accept him for who he is and he does the same with me. I have two kids that he absolutely adores and they adore him, too. Never, in my life, has anyone made me feel like this. I just know he’s the one. I guess I’m just looking for reassurance that everything will be fine.

Everything will not be fine. Sorry, kiddo. You’ve made a string of poor life decisions, and you’re too dumb and in love to start changing that anytime soon. It sucks, because you brought two kids into this world when you probably shouldn’t have, and it’s not their fault you’re such a loser.

Yeah, that’s right. I called you a loser. I know it’s not good manners to just come out and say it like that, but it’s the damn truth, and if you’re ever gonna start changing your life, you need to feel a little shame for the choices you’ve made thus far.

I’m not saying you’re a bad person. Hell, I’m not even saying that your boyfriend is a bad person. I’m simply saying that it’s not okay to be a single mother with a boyfriend in jail. You’ve got to set higher standards for yourself than that. You’re a loser in love with a loser, and both of your kids will grow up to be losers unless you do what you can to stop being a loser.

Unfortunately, I can’t tell you how to do that. Sure, I can tell you to raise your standards, end your relationship with this guy, get an education, and spend a lifetime working hard to provide an even better education for your kids, but you aren’t ready to hear that right now. All you want to hear is that it’s okay to keep acting like a love-stoned teenager. Well, it’s not. Your time for fooling around with bad boys ended the second you made the decision to become a mother.

No one with a clue could possibly give you any reassurance right now. Life is only going to get harder, and by the time you’re wise enough to want more for yourself, it’ll probably be too late to do a damn thing about it. Still, I hope you get it together one day. I really do. In the meantime, quit worrying about your love life and focus on motherhood.


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