My therapist threatened to leave me because I frustrated her too much. I kept skipping sessions because of my inability to get out of bed due to my depression and drinking and she told me…through tears….that “it was as if I want people to treat me like shit and that’s the only way I know how to act” I don’t know if that’s valid but it fucked with me pretty hard. You know, when even your therapist thinks you are a lost cause. I am a people pleaser that attracts users and fucked up boyfriends. I don’t want people to treat me like shit. I didn’t use to be this way but after a bout in a coma and subsequent trauma, I just don’t want to upset anybody or be alone. No matter how shitty they treat me. I don’t want to be this person.
If your therapist told you anything through tears, find another therapist. You’re the one who gets to cry in therapy, not her.
Then again, I doubt she “threatened to leave you.” That’s just your interpretation of what sounds like her setting an ultimatum of mandatory attendance. If you can’t even show up for sessions, then she very well may drop you as a patient. That doesn’t mean she thinks you’re a lost cause. That just means she won’t put up with your bullshit. After all, her time is her livelihood, and it’s not cool for you to waste it because you’re too hungover to drag your ass out of bed.
Now, I also don’t know whether you’re clinically depressed and self medicating with alcohol or you’re just some flake with a victim mentality who drinks too much. Either way, you need to stop using your past trauma as an excuse for your current patterns of self-destructive behavior.
Sure, your past trauma may be one of the significant reasons for your current patterns of self-destructive behavior, but that doesn’t excuse the behavior. A reason is not an excuse. You still have to be held accountable for your actions. More importantly, you have to start holding yourself accountable.
Oh, and here’s a nickel’s worth of free therapy: You are not a people pleaser that attracts losers. You’re a textbook codependent who needs to work on her assertiveness skills. If you don’t want to be this person anymore, stop drinking so much, show up for your fucking therapy sessions, and tell your therapist you’d like to work on becoming more assertive.