Here’s the thing. I got royally fucked over by my boyfriend of three years a year or two ago. Since then, I’ve made the most of life. I drink, I smoke, I have sex with super hot guys and the closest I’ve come to a serious relationship was a third date. It’s fun while it lasts, but I find myself getting heart-broken when these guys move on, despite the fact I encourage them to. What the fuck am I doing wrong? I like this lifestyle, but I feel as if I’m trying to be this bad girl when inside I’m still this ‘good girl’. Help!
You like this lifestyle because it’s fun, and the only thing you’re doing wrong is making excuses for your jaded persona. Quit framing your current situation in terms of your past relationship. You got fucked over. So what? Move on, already.
Recognize that your current pattern of behavior is a defense mechanism. You’re playing the bad girl to avoid intimacy so that you won’t get hurt again, only now you’re suffering a series of little heartbreaks instead of one big one.
Quit it. You’re not a bad girl. You’re not a good girl. You’re just a girl, and if you’d quit making yourself artificially unavailable you might end up on a fourth date every once in a while.
Listen, you’re in a transition period. You’re done rebounding, but you’re still terrified of the vulnerability that’s required when starting an actual relationship. Well, tough shit. You’ve got a soft candy center, and you’re eventually gonna have to let somebody take a nibble.
Don’t worry, you can trust yourself. You’ve learned a lot these past couple years. You’ll pick more wisely this time.