On balding.

I’m a 30 y/o guy who despite beating the family average is finally losing his hair. Problem is, I have one of those ungainly scalps that is not suited to straight-up shaving it.

I swore I’d never be beholden to my hair and have no interest in forking over cash and dignity to pharm companies or miracle cures.

I just can’t find a style that allows me to bald gracefully. Suggestions?

No interest in forking over cash and dignity? Fuck your dignity.

Do you have any idea how much money we spend and pain we endure chasing unattainable standards of beauty?

We’re over here nipping, tucking, lasering, injecting, dying, tanning, waxing and whitening every square inch of our bodies. The least you lazy bastards could do is show a little effort when you start losing your hair.

Assuming you’re white, you only have two choices here. One, hit the gym and get in really good physical shape, then shave your head completely and grow a goatee.

Your other choice is to join the Hair Club for Men and spend whatever it fucking takes to keep from going bald. Fight that shit like you got hair cancer.

I suppose there’s a third choice if you’re not willing to man up. You could always just let yourself go and stop caring about your appearance.

Don’t kid yourself, though. There’s no such thing as balding gracefully.


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