He wants separate bedrooms once we move in together. He thinks it will prevent our relationship from falling victim to routine and boredom that slowly kills every long-term relationship and that separate bedrooms would help “keep the fire burning” by making us “miss each other”. Sex and intimacy as well as private space are important to us both so I understand what he’s afraid of but just the thought of this “solution” makes me feel rejected, unwanted and scared of potentially being treated instrumentally (come on, he wouldn’t bother to come over only to have a chat or give me a hug). I’ve told him this and given him alternatives but his idea of compromise is trying it at least for a while anyway. Is his way the way to go? Am I overreacting? I feel like I should recognize the superiority of his rationale and suppress my emotional needs because he’s older, more experienced and generally more “fixed” in his bachelor way of living… Should I?
Wait, what? You feel like you should recognize his superiority? You feel you should suppress your emotional needs? Fuck you. You should be ashamed of yourself for even typing that. Seriously, fuck you. You don’t even deserve my advice, but I’m so pissed at your manipulative piece of shit wannabe cult-leader of a boyfriend that I’m gonna throw you a bone.
Here’s my only advice: RUN FOR THE FUCKING HILLS. I’m dead serious. End the relationship immediately and walk straight into the nearest therapist’s office for some deprogramming. Try not to pass by any Scientology buildings on your way there.
Honestly, this whole situation has more red flags than the opening ceremony of the Chinese Olympics. Do you even hear yourself? An older “superior” man “fixed in his bachelor ways” tries to sell you on a roommate style living situation to “keep the fires burning,” and despite every fiber of your being screaming at you that this is all wrong, you feel compelled to follow along and “suppress your needs” because he’s “more experienced.”
Do you have any idea how creepy that all sounds? You’re basically agreeing to be a live-in fuck toy, unworthy of entering the master’s bedchamber unless you’re attending to his needs. Take a step back and realize how far you’ve strayed from your true self. Maybe you’ll start to notice how much you’re being exploited.
This selfish conniving manchild has managed to wash whatever brains you have, but there’s still some deep-down instinctual part of you that knows this is all wrong. It’s that tiny little voice in the back of your head that won’t stop bugging you, even though everything you’ve been trained to think says you’re overreacting. You are not overreacting. You’ve barely even begun to react.
Please, listen to that tiny voice. It’s on your side. It’s desperately clinging to your best interests, and one day it will save your life.