On being pathetic.

I am constantly on the knife’s edge about giving my boyfriend oral. Should I? Shouldn’t I? I’ve never done it before. It feels silly when the question rolls around in my head, but the subject makes me scared, nervous, and slightly dirty. Society has portrayed it as an act that has instant gratification for the male (or female), and something that is reserved for those who are free with themselves, or those deeply in love.

It might be good to mention that I am not a sexual being. Or very outgoing. I don’t know what to do with myself, and sex makes me feel awkward. Not to mention I’ve never had an orgasm, which in part makes me feel obligated not to do it until he gets me there.

I guess I am just scared that I will not be respected as much. I’ve told myself I’ll wait until we’re more invested in each other, emotionally, and attached.

(This might read like I’m 16, but I’m not. Full 20 years.)

Scared, nervous, and slightly dirty are acceptable if not mildly annoying rookie emotions when it comes to your first blowjob, but all the anxiety about whether he’ll respect you as much is utter bullshit.

Quite frankly, I don’t respect you for thinking like that. It’s pathetic and weak.

Suck cock. Don’t suck cock. It’s entirely up to you. Either way, don’t ever allow yourself to be slut shamed, and sure as fuck don’t shame yourself.

On a separate note, your boyfriend isn’t responsible for your orgasm. You are.

Get your own damn self there.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *