On being raped by a cop

I was raped by a fucking cop last night. Date rape and I was “sending mixed signals,” so it’s “not as bad as it sounds,” but I still don’t know how to deal with it in my head. I know there is no excuse but I keep trying to make them so I don’t feel so violated. And dirty. If he thinks he can stick his dick in someone saying “no, stop” repeatedly, I’m wondering who else he’s fucked that has just given up. The worst part is he tried to blame me and when I used the r word he said “if I was an asshole, I’d tell you to leave.” I told him he WAS an asshole and left. He texted saying I was “unbelievable” and “I’m sorry.. You did like it though.. But I’m sorry.” So revolting. I feel so gross even though I know it’s not my fault. Help.


I am so very sorry this happened to you.

It’s good that you know it’s not your fault, but please don’t listen to anyone who tries to tell you what happened wasn’t rape or was “not as bad as it sounds.” Fuck that shit. You deserve justice, and that evil piece of shit rapist cop deserves to be punished. I will absolutely help if I can, but for now I recommend you contact a rape crisis center in your area immediately. (Also, do not delete those texts.)

Please keep me updated, and if you’d like to discuss this privately, be sure to include an email address.


13 thoughts on “On being raped by a cop

  1. drea says:

    This is very similar to what happened when I was 16. We had to go through internal affairs when I decided to report him. It was hell but worth it. If the submitter needs any help with figuring out what to do or just wants to talk to someone who might understand, I’m here

  2. Julie says:

    That is extra fucked up on top of being fucked up.

    My only advice is that your have the power position right now. You have the power to ensure that he never does this again. You have the power to take away his job when he cannot abide by the basic principles by which it was created.

    Sometimes using your power hurts, and it is hard. But your power is yours, yours to wield against an unworthy opponent who needs to be taken down.

    Be strong, be beautiful, and do not doubt yourself.

    Justice will be served, on your plate, with frosting.

  3. Kelly says:

    Being raped by someone you know and trust can be so much worse in so many ways than a forcible rape by a stranger (which is awful in its own unique ways, of course). Being assaulted by someone you trusted means your trust was violated along with your body. It can leave you feeling culpable, or like a fool, or like you can’t trust anyone.

    Please call a crisis center.

  4. Light37 says:

    I want you to know one thing. IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. He didn’t trip and fall into your vagina, he chose to force himself on a person who was saying no. I don’t care how many texts he sends, he cannot absolve himself of his choices.

    Please do call a crisis center or Planned Parenthood. 1.800.656.4673 is the number for the National Rape Hotline. They can also provide support, and help you find a center near you.

    We’re pulling for you.

  5. Hansworst says:

    You decide the narrative that helps you cope best, you take the actions that help you cope best, in your own insight. You have no obligation to anyone, no matter how the fucker may plead about muh job or family when you do decide to take it higher up, or how peeps may badger you that you’re exposing others to danger by not taking it higher up. Your mental wellbeing comes first, whatever action you may decide to (not) pursue.

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