On being the predator instead of the prey

I need some outside perspective. Well, any perspective, because I haven’t really talked about this with anyone. I am now 34, but I feel somewhat immature in that I am 34 and have never been married, no kids. I am female.

I had a 7 year affair with my married boss. He started in on me when I was 25 and told me to hang in there, “I’ll get divorced for you”, so I believed him and waited. He wanted me to keep it a secret from even my best friends, so I didn’t tell a soul. The affair ended when the company sold. He quite suddenly became a millionaire and started cheating on me with a hotter younger co-worker (who was also his employee, and at the time a close friend of mine). As soon as they started dating, he divorced his wife, bought the new girlfriend a set of boobs, moved her into his brand new house, and had her quit her job. The job quitting was because they wanted to go public with their relationship, but couldn’t since he was her boss.

It’s been a couple of years since all of this transpired, and feel like I’ve been able to get over it as much as possible. Today, I find myself in a 1-year relationship with a man who has been a close platonic friend of mine for almost 10 years, and unexpectedly has become what I think is “the one”. I am super confident in my relationship with him.

Both the boss/ex and I still work at the same company, where he is still my boss. For the last 2 years, I have hated coming in to work, I hate seeing his face, and even though there’s no real reason for him to fear me (taking action against him), he treats me like shit at work. My theory is that he wants to make me quit so I am no longer a potential problem for him.

Should I quit? I’ll be walking away from almost $200K/year, which is a lot by my own standards – I only need to make 50K to live.

I have been a huge fan of your advice column for about 3 years. I slap you mental high-fives all the time, and I’ve secretly always wanted to get my ass kicked by your cunty wisdom.

Should you quit? Fuck no. Should your boss have a reason to fear you? Fuck yes. He’s created quite the hostile work environment, and if you’d learn to grow a fucking spine, you could own his ass.

Listen, I don’t have much sympathy for you. You’re an idiot who wasted seven years in a secret relationship with your married boss, and you deserve to get dumped for a younger, hotter co-worker. Sorry, but karma is a bitch with freshly bolted on tits.

That’s okay, though. You don’t want to be the one with the new boobs in the new house. In a few years, she’ll get traded in for a newer model. She won’t even get to keep the house, and you’ll still be the one with the six-figure salary and the healthy relationship. Trust me, you’re the bitch who came out ahead. Start acting like it.

My best advice for you is to stop taking shit from your boss at work. If you’re already willing to quit, then you’ve really got nothing to lose. Go ahead and let that shady motherfucker fear you. You have all the ammunition you need and all the leverage in the world if you’re prepared and unafraid to take action against him if necessary.

I’m not saying that you should go hire an attorney. (Although you can if you want.) I’m merely suggesting an attitude adjustment. Quit your fucking whining. Right now you’ve got a victim mentality, and it’s time for a mental shift to being the predator instead of the prey.

As your boss, he may have the authority in your work relationship, but because of your history, you’re the one with all the power. Power always trumps authority. Never forget that, and never be afraid to use it to get what you want.


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