On breaking up

About six weeks ago, I moved from Boston to Dublin for work. Two weeks later, my long term boyfriend, who I was living with in Boston, broke up with me during an argument. Now he wants to get back together. I was really upset when he broke up with me, but then I started to realize it might have been the right decision. I like the life I am putting together for myself in Dublin. This is a great opportunity for me to really figure out who I am and what I want out of a relationship before settling down, and I want to take full advantage of it. Maybe this isn’t the right time, or maybe he isn’t the right person, but I don’t think that getting back together is right decision.

I sent him an email to that effect yesterday, and told him that I didn’t want to talk to him for a few weeks. He’s been calling/texting/emailing me constantly. 20 missed calls from 5-6AM. 15 more since noon. He thinks I’m having a breakdown and making a huge mistake. He’s demanding a conversation. Do I owe him that? Am I being a total bitch?

I care about him a lot, and we had a lovely relationship. Any advice about how to make this any less gut-wrenching would be much appreciated.

You’re not the one having a breakdown, and he doesn’t get to demand a conversation. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have a conversation, but certainly not because you owe him one.

He needs to cool his jets. Text him back letting him know that you don’t want to hear from him for a solid week. No texts. No calls. No communication of any kind, and if he respects that, you’ll call him to have a conversation about closure, but regardless of what happens, he needs to understand that the relationship is over.

He’s not a boyfriend anymore. He is your ex. You need to start treating him like one. Of course you still care about him, and it’s great that you had a lovely relationship, but things are different now, and if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll recognize that you’ve already moved on.


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