I have a close friend who has been in the same relationship for most of her young life (we’re in college). She frequently talks about marrying her boyfriend after we graduate, and has pictures of them together plastered all over her room (she jokingly calls it “a shrine” to him, but that’s pretty close to the truth).
However, she frequently cheats on him. I have read what you have to say about monogamy and fidelity, and I agree, but in this case there is no communication between my friend and her boyfriend. She rarely tells him about these hook-ups (and if she does it’s a considerably tamer version that the real story), and would throw a fit if he ever did the same. I think, and she’s admitted, that these hookups are really self-esteem boosts for her, and don’t mean much of anything. But she does get jealous when she hears about the men she’s slept with sleeping with other people.
I have a huge problem with what she’s doing, but I’ve never had the balls to tell her. I think she needs tell him everything, and have a mutual understanding in the relationship about casual sex. Or just be single for a while. However, I usually just listen to her stories and say nothing. Do I have any place in this situation to say anything? Or should I just keep my mouth shut?
She’s acting like an immature cunt, but it’s not your place to butt into their relationship.
On the other hand, you sure as hell don’t have to sit there and listen to her stories. She tells you in part to seek your tacit approval for the infidelity, and when you don’t call her out, it eases a bit of whatever guilt she might be feeling. Don’t give her the satisfaction.
Tell her that you don’t want to hear it. Tell her that you don’t respect her infidelity, and that you’ve lost trust in her as a friend after seeing the way she disrespects her boyfriend. When she tells you it’s different, tell her no, it’s not.
She’s a cheater. A petty, jealous cheater. It’s not acceptable behavior and you have a huge problem with it. Tell her.
Don’t get involved, but let her know how you feel.