Me and my girlfriend of almost three years broke up. Our first year together was the happiest year of my life. I confessed I was bi six months into the relationship and she was okay with it. We moved in together. We were madly in love, we probably had less than three arguments at the time, and then her mom died.
It broke her heart. I stayed with her through thick and thin and did everything I could to improve her quality of life. 21 is too young to lose a mother.
Her death started a chain reaction. We began having problems. She was an emotional wreck and couldn’t help but take things out on me. I still loved her to death but started to regret moving in with her and feeling trapped in a room of mourning. She graduated college a year before me, and she moved 500 miles away where she was originally from. Her dad needed her more than I did. I felt smothered from the whole situation and we prematurely broke up.
That didn’t last long. WIthin a month we were back together. We still loved each other but things were different. Long distance is terrible when your girlfriends mourning, you’re a full time student without the funds for a plane ticket, and you don’t have a reliable car. I am a film maker and the only time to film are the weekends. Weekends she did visit became stressful. I was being forced to choose her over a dozen friends. Somewhere along the line she encouraged me to explore men, but when I did it backfired on me. Hooked up with a dude she helped me pick up. Somehow she was surprised by the outcome and it fucked up the relationship up more.
We’ve been doing the long distance thing for a year and a half. The past six months we’ve probably broken up and gotten back together three times, but this time we seem to be dead serious. We need a break from each other. We need to work on our own happiness before we can make each other happy.
I would be okay with it except for one thing. One of her co-workers clams he is in love with her. They started out as gym partners and I fully trusted her. She said he had a girlfriend/baby mama. He did but it ended. The last couple months we were together he was fully trying to move in on her. She clams she never had feelings for him, denies he has anything to do with us breaking up this time, yet they are now dating less than a month later. She called me in tears about a week ago to tell me she made out with him and she “can’t do this anymore.” I suspect he made her make the call. After having a meaningful ten minute conversation about it, I realized dude was with her listening to everything. She says she is starting to like him. Everyone else I know that has met him claims he’s a douche, including her 3 siblings. I am close to one of her sisters and she wont even hang out with her when he’s there.
She says she still loves me, but things are different.
I still love her.
She is the most real and good person I have ever met.
I told her one day I would come back for her. I’ve asked her if it would be a mistake to someday day move to her area. She won’t deny or confirm.
Do I move on? Am I fucked? Could we ever be as happy together as we once were? What’s your opinion? I have a hunch what your response might sound like, but I’ve began following your blog religiously. Hearing your opinion might help me out. You’re fucking awesome.
You know damn well it’s time to move on.
Not only is she five hundred miles away, but it sounds like she’s gearing up for a douchebag phase. This is neither your fault nor your problem, and there is nothing you can do (or should do) to stop, fix, or otherwise interfere with it.
Sever ties with her for a while. That way, you won’t lose respect for her when she starts making a series of bad decisions, and you won’t fuck up and try to rescue her when her relationships turn to shit.
You had a good run. Three years in your early twenties is solid, but it’s time to box up the relationship and stick it in the attic. The alternative is ugly and considerably more painful.
It’s better that you think of each other with love, remember your time together fondly, and simply move on.
Good luck with whatever’s next!