I’m in a bit of a predicament at the moment. Let me lay out my situation for you. My parents are good catholics, they go to church every Sunday, read the bible, etc. They are also the type of people who work out on a regular basis.

I am a college freshman, and love to party, drink, smoke, and generally be up to no good. My parents have no idea I do any of this, because in high school, and while I’m home for break, I act like their good little boy.

So do I keep on smoking and drinking, killing my lungs and liver in the process, or do I start working out and being religious to please my folks?

Up to no good? That’s very sweet, but you have no idea what it really means to be up to no good.

Listen, kid. You’re not in a predicament. You’re in college. If you can keep your grades up while keeping the douchebaggery to a minimum, feel free to experiment with whatever vices raise your eyebrow. Now’s the time.

I will say this, though. Your lungs and liver can handle a little college experimentation, but at your age there’s no quicker way to ruin a perfectly good brain than with religion.