On crazy girls and second chances

OK, so I love this guy. We have tried dating, but I went crazy on him. More than once. Now he refuses to date me but still insists on hanging out and telling me that he cares and wants me in his life. My friends say he’s a jerk and that I should move on. I simply can’t! Whats a crazy girl to do?!

This right here is the reason I should start my own consulting firm with the mission of helping bitches turn crazy into wild. I’d call it Booze & Company, and I’d bill by the hour.

Seriously, girl. If I knew the flavor of crazy you unleashed on him, I could whip up the antidote in no time. In lieu of knowing just how nutter-butters you really are, let me just give you some generic advice.

The relationship started as a romantic one, and it will continue to exist as a romantic one. That means you can afford to stop getting caught up in the labels. Dating. Not Dating. It’s complicated. Who cares?

The Facebook status of your relationship is far less important than the foundation upon which it is established. You need to take a step back and recognize that you’re still in what amounts to a prolonged, awkward negotiation phase over the terms of the relationship.

Your negotiating position is significantly weakened by all the crazypants you’ve been wearing, but he still cares. He still wants you in his life. If you pull it together, you can still salvage things.

Now, my guess is whatever whack-job thing you did to freak him out was the result of garden variety jealousy based on even more garden variety insecurity on your part. You love this guy, after all. It scares the hell out of you, and as a result, you get a little tweaked.

Well, at the end of the day, this has to become an exercise in embracing your vulnerability. Your vulnerability is the dark and sticky part that terrifies you, and if you want this to work, you’re gonna have to get all warm and cozy with whatever it is at your core that brings out the batshit. After all, batshit is just a couple ingredients away from gunpowder, and if you know how to handle it, you can take over the world.

Embracing your vulnerability is the extra ingredient you need right now to turn the part of you that’s a weakness into the part of you that’s powerful. Coming to terms with your underlying insecurity is the difference between crazy and wild. It’s what turns a jealous nature into an adventurous one.

Thing is, I can’t really tell you how to do that. It’s for you to figure out. One thing to keep in mind, though. This relationship isn’t going to last forever. It will putter along for a while, and you guys may even be quite happy for a time, but this isn’t gonna be the guy you marry or anything.

I’m not saying that to be mean. I’m only saying that to add a little perspective to the proceedings, because ultimately, the goal here should be for you to embrace your vulnerability for your own sake, not for his.

Good luck, babe. I hope you turn that crazy into wild.

Read “The Coquette” Sundays and Wednesdays in The Daily.


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