On a death in his family.

Dear Coquette,

My long-distance boyfriend’s grandfather just passed away.

The funeral will be this weekend and is located about three hours away from where I currently live. He will be there for it. I do not have plans to see him again for two more months, at which time I am supposed to be moving in with him. I volunteered to come and be supportive and yes, get to see him briefly. He apparently asked his mom if I could stay with them for the weekend and was denied by her saying it should only be family. He told me not to come.

I had mentioned beforehand that I did not have to stay the weekend, and in fact, could only come for the day, but that was not discussed as an option by him.

I feel kind of like a bitch for being a little upset about this. However, we are both in our 20s and we are pre-engaged (as in, we went shopping for an engagement ring a little bit ago). I feel like that should result in me being treated like more than the casual slut he is screwing by his mother. He could have at least tried to persuade her. I still get though that it is an awkward situation and I don’t want to intrude on their family time. I don’t get how that means I can’t even come up for a few hours to have dinner or something.

Is this even a question? I don’t know anymore. Help.

No, this is not a question. Let’s just pretend you were venting. That way, I won’t skewer you for being a thoughtless, self-centered little twit.

If you had any class and grace at all, you’d offer your condolences and shut the hell up. His parents are dealing with the loss of a father. They are going through an extraordinarily difficult time, and you don’t need to be adding even the slightest bit of static to the situation.

Don’t for one second make this about your needs or your ego. In no way should you expect him to try and persuade his mother of anything right now. You have no business expecting an invitation, much less inviting yourself. You are not part of the family, and at this rate, I doubt you ever will be. 

That’s right, kiddo. Pre-engaged? If only you knew how ridiculous that sounded. You aren’t pre-engaged. You’re in a frighteningly insecure long-distance relationship with a mama’s boy who took you to the jewelry store at the mall one time just to shut you up.

Take this whole situation as a massive clue. Your boyfriend’s mother doesn’t know about you, or she doesn’t like you. Either way, you are grossly overestimating the status of your relationship, and if you don’t back the hell off both your boyfriend and his family, I guarantee that ring is never gonna make it on your finger. 

Be cool, and quit assuming that your self-proclaimed pre-engagement entitles you to squat.

Read “The Coquette” Sundays and Wednesdays in The Daily.


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