I have a shitty body and a shitty body image. In the past couple months I’ve starved and purged myself down from 150 to about 120 (not sure, haven’t stepped on a scale since early August). I’ve got like 10 lbs to go until I’ll feel better about myself. I just want to be able to fit into these size 3 shorts my friend just gave me as a hand-me-down. You sound like a sexy, confident person, and you also sound like you get a lot of action, so you must be smokin’. I want to know what your secret is. Have you ever starved yourself? Extensions, fake nails, fake tits? What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve done for the sake of beauty? I feel like I’m the kind of girl you’d hate, so be gentle with me.

Thirty pounds in two months? Damn. That’s not safe. You know you’re hurting yourself, right?

How about you take a break on those last ten pounds? Seriously. Adjust your goals. Stay at your current weight for two months. Stop purging and shift to a maintenance plan of exercise and healthy eating. Let your body get used to being 120 pounds.

The longer you’re at a certain weight, the more likely you are to keep the weight off permanently. Plus, you’ll feel better about yourself. You’ll start to feel like you actually belong at that weight, and when you do eventually decide to take off the last five or ten pounds, they’ll come off much more quickly.

Trust me on this. Give your body a rest. Maintain 120 pounds through the end of Thanksgiving, then spend December losing the last five to ten. Be safe. After that, make it your new years resolution to stick between 110 and 115.

As for my secret, it’s simple. I’m not sexy and confident because I look good. I look good because I’m sexy and confident.

It’s a hard trick to learn and it starts with not giving a fuck.

If you want to learn how to start not giving a fuck, here’s the first step: take your friend’s size three shorts, douse them in lighter fluid, and flick a lit ciggie onto them.

After all, this ain’t about her ass. It’s about yours.