On drunk driving.

So, I was reading some of your coketalk blog archives, and some of your old tweets (I’ve got a serious case of insomnia and my netflix instant watch is on the fritz, don’t judge.)

Anyway, I noticed that you seem to occasionally participate in driving while intoxicated, and that floored me because I thought you were a cool chick who knew how to party smart. What gives? What are your thoughts on drunk driving?

No judgment. I’m still awake too, and I’m happy to come in third against sleep and shitty movies.

Before I launch into my thoughts on drunk driving, first let’s take a deep breath and put on our critical thinking hats.

This is one of those topics on which we’re all programmed to give an instant and negative knee-jerk response. It’s true. Those M.A.D.D. bitches know how to organize, and they get us early.

It was just last year that everyone in California was filled with righteous indignation when driving on the phone was outlawed. Could you imagine the same reaction to drunk driving? Of course not, but basically there’s no difference.

Strip it down to the bare essentials, and driving while intoxicated is no more morally complicated than driving while texting, or driving while putting on make-up, or driving while eating a fucking Big Mac.

The reason why you’re impaired shouldn’t matter, but culturally it does. Drunk driving has an extra thick patina of shame in our society. Fine. Whatever.

I’m not saying they’re wrong. I’m just saying that nothing is ever black and white, the current DUI laws are bullshit, and there is a time and place for everything.

So yeah. I’m not pro-drunk driving, but the world is full of necessary evils, and this is fucking Los Angeles. Our taxi service is shit. Our public transportation is non-existant. Our sheer square mileage is staggering.

Fuck it. As horrible as it may sound, I’m not gonna bullshit. Sometimes you have to drive your own car when you know you probably shouldn’t.

It’s never a good idea, but anyone who’s honest will admit that there’s a difference between stupidly getting behind the wheel all sloppy and shit-faced and the the hyper-vigilant, supremely cautious style of driving one does when trying to make it home despite the likelihood of being a bit over the legal limit.

I never drive shit-faced. Ever. I never let my friends drive shit-faced. Ever. If you’re slurring your words, then just lock the doors, curl up in the back seat, and take a nap.

Am I saying it’s okay to drive drunk? Fuck no. Am I admitting to risking it once or twice? Okay, yeah. Feel free to cast the first stone if that’s your thing. Life is full of calculated risks. I’m big on personal accountability, even in the face of irresponsibility. If I can’t pull my shit together, I don’t risk it. That’s just me.

There. Did I equivocate enough for you?


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