On dudes losing interest

I can’t detach emotions from sex. I’m single and dating but whenever I try to hold off on the sex until I’m ready, dudes get impatient and lose interest. When I’ve gone ahead with the sex on the first few dates, I feel gross and used. I try to date all different kinds of men and I like to think I can weed out the douchebags but apparently something is amiss. What can I do?

Keep doing what you’re doing. Nothing is amiss.You’re on the end of a spectrum where dudes get impatient and then lose interest. Women on the other end of that spectrum fret just as much as you do, because they have experiences where dudes get laid right away and then lose interest. Either way, dudes lose interest, and women find every way to blame themselves without recognizing the broader pattern.

Dudes are gonna lose interest. It’s what dudes do. Occasionally you’ll find one who’s legitimately looking for a long term relationship, and if it’s for healthy reasons and you two have chemistry, you might become a thing for a while. Whether that happens or not has nothing to do with your ability to detach emotions from sex. Don’t scapegoat that aspect of your personality. It may be the reason dudes get impatient, but it’s certainly not to blame for why dudes lose interest. That’s on them, not you.

If sex before you’re ready makes you feel gross and used, don’t do it. If a guy you’re dating gets impatient, tough shit. If he loses interest, fine. Good riddance. Dating should never be about keeping someone’s interest at the expense of your own emotional well being.


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