On embracing vulnerability.

Been meaning to write you last week, but it seemed the problem worked itself out until last night…

I’m seeing a guy who’s told me he doesn’t want a girlfriend. That’s fine. One night we’re making out, and clothes are coming off; He starts to tell me how special I am/ that I’m the only girl he’s seeing…all while his monstrous cock is showing through his boxers.

He’s being honest with me, so I decide to tell him he’s not the only guy I’m dating. He recoils, and says he can’t see me if that’s the case. Baffled, I retort and mention he didn’t want a girlfriend. When I ask him if he wants us to be casual/exclusive, he throws it back on me to say it’s not his decision. He told me to get in touch with him “when I come around/know what I want.” I get furious over it because I like him.

Next day he apologizes and says that he wants to see where this goes. We call a truce. We had sex. We continued to enjoy each others company. Which brings me to last night. I saw little claw marks on his arm. He tells me a girl did it. He says, “what? you’re doing you’re thing and I’m doing my thing.” He’s right, so I remain calm, and leave his house. I can’t let him see how angry/jealous I’m getting over this- although I have been going on harmless dates with other guys.

On my home we argue over BBM. He says “this isn’t melrose place, I’m not part of your dating pool, hope your dating works out for you, etc” During this argument he says that he was joking about the scratch marks. He wants to remain friends but has pretty shut me down once again. Ouch. My therapist says he’s playing games. I don’t know whether I’m being played, if I am really hurting him, etc.

I’m losing sleep over this shit, help me…

Okay. What do you want here?

It’s obvious that you’re both totally crushing on each other. You’re also both riddled with a fairly common flavor of insecurity that for the sake of politeness I’ll call naivete instead of immaturity.

You’re both acting too cool for school, all the while neither of you is willing to face the self-evident fact that each of you is vulnerable. You’re losing sleep over this shit because you actually like him.

Own that shit. Be proud of it. Don’t be afraid. Based on his behavior, I can pretty much guarantee he’s upside-down for you too, so all you have to do is be the strong one and call shenanigans on all the bullshit.

Just tell him. You think he’s fucking fantastic and you love his monstrous cock. You wouldn’t mind being his girlfriend for a while, and you’re not ashamed to admit it.

Be straightforward with your feelings, but cushion the message with how cool a fucking chick you are. You’re not asking to be his girlfriend. You’re just letting him know you’d make a damn good one.

When his head stops spinning, he’ll have no choice but to agree. Even if he shoots you down (and he probably won’t), it’s no big deal, because you will have been emotionally honest. You will have been the brave one.

All those bullshit defense mechanisms just add up to a pile of arguments and hurt feelings anyways, so you might as well just put yourself out there. Don’t ever fear being vulnerable. Jealousy is for the weak, and having something emotionally at stake is a good thing.

Remember, you’ve got nothing to lose but what you would have already lost, so be strong and just fucking tell him how you feel.

Good luck!


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