On escaping the friend zone

How do I make a friend with benefits into a boyfriend? Without a miracle…

You’ve already defined the nature of the relationship, so attempting to redefine it will be tricky if not impossible. If you succeed, you will end up with a boyfriend for a little while. If you fail, you will lose both your friend and the benefits.

It’s an awfully big risk for relatively little reward.

Why do you want to modify the relationship? Are you jealous of his romantic interests? Are you just in the mood to have a boyfriend? Are you in love?

If you really are in love, my suggestion would be that you pull back a bit and see what happens. Be open and honest about your feelings, but don’t corner him.

Let him know you’ve fallen in love, but that you recognize the nature of your friendship, and you don’t want to put him in an awkward position.

Tell him you still want to be in his life, but that it wouldn’t be fair for either of you to keep sleeping together. Go platonic on him. Nothing physical. Be strong.

If you’re lucky, he’ll realize what he’s lost and come knocking on your door as a romantic interest, and then you’re on the road to couplehood.

More than likely though, it will be a graceful exit from a doomed situation and both of you will eventually move on.

Either way, you’ll be a stronger woman who’s earned his respect.


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