Do you have any advice for girls that are afraid to be rude even when the time calls for it? I have a problem with this in particular. I have been put in various situations where being too nice has led me to get burned. I’m not talking relationship wise; I have no problem being a bitch to stupid boys. I mean just in general with creepy fucking strangers (all of the male variety). There is no rhyme or reason to my problem, except maybe I’ve always been shy when first meeting someone and tend to err on the safe side for fear of offending, despite what could be dangerous circumstances. For instance, I have been “sexually assaulted” (aka straight up groped) by a fucking old creep I used to buy coffee from every day. When it happened, I didn’t drop my coffee and run… I acted normal, played it cool. It’s like I freeze up and my instincts of fight or flight disappear. Time and time again this happens, though the results have never been as extreme. What the fuck can I do to be make myself a bitch that sick fucks are afraid to even look at?
It’s interesting that you mention your fight or flight instinct. Fresh theory suggests that as a woman, you may have an altogether different threat response known as tend and befriend.
I don’t know enough about the theory to apply it to your behavior, but I’m willing to bet that if you look into it yourself, you’ll gain some insight into why you’re passive when under threat.
In the meantime, go take a few Krav Maga classes. That shit is no joke.
One thought on “On facing threats.”
Coke, do you have any updates on this one seven years later?
I searched your blog for ‘assault’ tonight because in times of trouble Dear Coquette is my bible, and I experienced a disgusting and violating assault this weekend. I’m struggling to deal with it all, and I’m also wondering why I am so often incapable of drawing those hard lines. It’s like I so highly value emotional intelligence and social competence that I will sacrifice my own comfort (even safety?) to make others comfortable– to the point of really struggling to get away from an awful situation. Half of it is freezing up in fear, I think. The other half is self-doubt? I don’t know. Not sure if you’ll even see this. But I thought it was worth a shot. Longtime reader, thanks for everything over the years x