On first love

what was your first love like?

Unrequited and incredibly painful.

We were partners in crime. Wild young kids with a good thing going.

It was an intimate friendship — platonic, open, and physical. Then about a year into the relationship one day I woke up and I was in love.

I remember being so angry at myself. I didn’t want to be in love. I knew it would ruin everything, and it did.

After spinning from all the fun, suddenly all we could do was wobble from the imbalance. We tried to make it work as a couple, but we both knew damn well he wasn’t capable of giving it back.

We lasted for about six more months until I begrudgingly admitted to myself that I’d have to fall out of love.

No regrets, though.


2 thoughts on “On first love

  1. Leah says:

    Hi Coke, I hope that you’ll be able to find the time to answer a few of my curiosities concerning your first love. Since this was posted in 2009, have you at least tried again with him? And did you two go back to the original platonic relationship after the break up, or did you have to completely cut off contact? How long, and how did you get over the guy?

    This sounds strangely familiar to my first unrequited love. We were exclusive friends with benefits for a year, and i had feelings for him throughout. He knew, but didn’t end it. We tried a relationship for 6 months after that one year, and it totally belly flopped into the water. He was the one to end it on the basis that he ‘didn’t want to hurt me anymore’, ‘to prevent me from hurt in the future’, and hopes that i will find someone else that will treat me better. I understood and agreed with him, but i still cannot bear to let him go completely, and move on. I still love him so much.

    Two months post-break up, i still feel like shit and cry sometimes. I would probably go back to him at any opportunity, but I also can’t help but feel regret for doing all of this for him. I pushed other guys away during our fwb times, some great guys with better compatibility and financial situations. Now i feel i will never get those opportunities again.

    Thanks heaps if you’ve read all the way down to here. Any advice would be appreciated.

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