On foreign exchange stoners.

i’m an underachieving foreign student in your land.

my experiences in what i refer to as my highly selective spoiled nursery have included amongst other things the anticipated dissolution of a long high-school relationship, the usual case of post-teenage depression, jewish counselors and anti-depressants, frighteningly rapid yet steady weight gain, an inability to get out of bed without the help of marijuana, frequent use of said herb and other recreational pharmaceuticals and being on various kinds of residential and academic probations because of my blatant disregard for “fire safety” and film paper deadlines.

i’m self-aware enough to know that i am smart or i wouldn’t be here given the lack of substantive, meaningful academic work that i’ve done. all the people around me are rich hipsters in skinny jeans and scarves who sell carribean art, walk for cancer and make obscure pop culture references when they are not triple majoring in women’s studies, drama and religion and writing their thesis about cuban tobacco farmers. i on the other hand smoke a congratulatory spliff when i get out of my pajamas.

i’ve been kicked out of college before and had to take myself seriously before they let me back in. i know i want to be here because despite my problems with american foreign policy and the ridiculous TV commercials, i like apple pie, your serving sizes and being the popular, interesting, international kid.

i need to not drop out of college again and somehow break this self-perpetuating, self-destructive cycle. but i find it hard to strive for or even imagine a college-educated future with a job and an apartment and a car when there are drugs right here, right now. what do you say?

Just because you’re bored and have an accent doesn’t mean you’re suffering from ennui. You’re just a pretentious lazy fuck who likes to get high.

In the real world, no one cares if you “find it hard to strive” for anything. Either suck it up and pull your weight or watch the quality of your lifestyle disintegrate.


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