Are you dead?
No, I’ve had the flu. Back up off my shit.
Are you racist?
No, some of my best friends are white.
Are you Mod from The Big Lebowski?
It’s Maude, you idiot.
Ryan Gosling or Ryan Reynolds?
Ryan Reynolds. I prefer funny over brooding. Plus, he’s rebounding off an A-lister. Dudes put off a lot of extra heat when coming out of that kind of orbit.
My boyfriend thinks it’s okay to hit me. Is it okay to do my best to kick his ass?
No, and it’s not okay to keep calling him your boyfriend either.
Should I be ashamed at showing my breasts for free drugs?
The drugs weren’t free, sweetie. You paid for them. Whether it was with your dignity is entirely up to you.
Why is virginity such a problem for some people?
how can I be a classy slut?
Start by not using the words “classy” or “slut.”
Did you at one point in your life believe in God or felt the need to believe in a higher being?
Did you at one point in your life believe in Santa Claus?
What’s the proper response to “make me a sandwich”?
Thank God you’re just an insignificant voice on the internet.
And you’ll never stop reading.