Fun-Sized Advice

On fun sized advice.

Is it ever appropriate to ask a man if he loves you?
Sweetie, if you have to ask…

Do you vajazzle?
Don’t be ridiculous.

Are you Banksy?
I said don’t be ridiculous.

Are you Janice Dickinson?
Are you fucking kidding me? That trainwreck is old enough to be my mother. Besides, narcissists don’t write advice columns. Especially not from rehab.

When do you draw the line and stop giving a person another chance?
Whenever you want, but first you clearly draw the line. That’s their chance. If they cross it, do what you gotta do.

when i like a guy i only like them for 2 week max, then i degrade them in my head and i get over them. is that normal?
It’s normal for an emotionally crippled teenager.

Epilators, yay or nay?
I’m personally content to wax and shave, but it you want to earn a masochist merit badge with a torture device invented by hairy, hardcore Israeli bitches, feel free to rip your shit out dry with a thousand tiny metal pinches.

I just saw “Crash”. Is LA really like that?

Yes. Los Angeles is nothing but a smug, pretentious object lesson. This whole city is just wall-to-wall racial stereotypes and Sandra Bullock acting like a privileged cunt.

I’m having an affair with a married man.  If we didn’t have sex the last time we were together, does that mean he has lost interest?
What am I, the psychic friends network? How the fuck am I supposed to know what’s going on in his head?

What are you wearing tonight?
A hot little Alexander Wang silk-chiffon dress, black with side cut-outs, and my new pair of United Nude Ultra Loop Booties.

Aren’t you afraid that people will recognize you by your nails, watches, fingerless gloves etc.?
I fear you underestimate my sneakiness. I am very very sneaky.


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