Fun-Sized Advice

On fun sized advice

What’s a classy way of rejecting guys that try to pick you up at a bar?
Six little words. “I’m flattered, but I’m not available.”

I’m moving to LA to be an actor. Any tips?
Shut up and bring me the menu. Just kidding, you’re gonna be a star.

how can i loose 10 pounds before thanksgiving
With a guillotine.

How do you decide to end a relationship of 5 years?
Babe, you just did.

How do you decide when to acknowledge hate mail and when to just not let it see the light of day outside your inbox?
You’d be surprised how much the lunar cycle plays a role in such things.

If the existence of god/heaven/hell were definitely proven, would you go to church and worship?
If the existence of the Aztec gods Huitzilopochtli and Tezcatlipoca were definitely proven, would you participate in human sacrifice and ritual cannibalism?

So, oh wise one, how would YOU get a boyfriend?
First know why, then the how will follow.

Do you whip your hair back and forth?
Don’t let haters keep me off my grind.

What’s your IQ?
I don’t know, but it’s probably better than my credit score.

My boyfriend cheated on me. What the fuck should I do now?

How badly do you need holiday companionship? Your call, babe.

What to do with guys who constantly use “you’re gay” as a cheap insult?
Nothing. Pick your battles, kids. There will never be enough mops in the world to soak up all the stupid.

How would you classify legitimate teenage rebellion?
A rare and beautiful thing. Wholly original unto itself. Intensely personal and dangerous. The direct polar opposite to the sanitized, corporatized, pre-packaged lessons in consumerism masked as faux teenage rebellion stacking the shelves in galleria shit holes like Hot Topic.


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