Fun-Sized Advice

On fun sized advice.

What’s your opinion on skinny jeans on males?
Is his band signed? Is his art hanging in a gallery? Didn’t think so.

what’s the difference between a glass dildo and a plastic one?

About eighty bucks.

Have you ever been in love?

Fuck yes.

how often do you have sex?
More than most. Less than some.

is it wrong to enjoy heterosexual sodomy?
The only kind of sodomy that’s wrong is the kind you don’t enjoy.

Tell me why I’m 58 and I have never been fucked or kissed.
Because you put them in that order.

Have you noticed how east coast balls are so much larger than those in the west?
I think you’re confusing bullshit macho posturing for balls.

give me a reason to wake up every morning.


Chiropractor or physiotherapist?

Whichever your insurance covers.

Job interview attire: pant suit or skirt suit?

Whichever is sexier.

my cat has aids what the fuck do i do oh my god i can’t live with myself

Cat aids. That’s hilarious. Oh wait, you’re not joking?

why do ex boyfriends always call you to ask how your doing?

Either they just saw High Fidelity, or they wanna fuck.

Are you tina fey?
Best. Compliment. Ever.


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