Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

Are you down with Elizabeth Warren?
Fuck yeah, but not as a presidential candidate. Ideally, I’d like to see Hillary appoint her Treasury Secretary in the new administration and then sit back and watch as she makes the finance industry her bitch.

Why do I hate it when my (privileged) college friends call my dad ‘blue collar’ and ‘salt of the earth’?

Because those phrases are code for poor and unsophisticated.

Which languages do you think will be the most economically valuable to know for the future?

English and Mandarin are the two most valuable. If you have time for a third, consider Arabic. If your life is more Eurocentric, learn French. If your life is more Americentric, learn Spanish.

Why do I get irrationally angry when people say, “Well, it just wasn’t in God’s plan” in reference to my inability to afford the school I really had my heart set on?

Because it’s a perfect encapsulation of all the futility and ignorance you’re trying to escape by going to a good school in the first place.

My friends are graduating and leaving – interstate, overseas, places I can’t go visit on a scholarship income – and for better or worse I’ve committed to staying on and studying further. I’m starting to get really panicked about the prospect of being left here alone. What can I do?

You have to make new friends as you enter this next phase of your life. This is a thing that will happen pretty consistently every five to seven years. Don’t be afraid of it.

some girl posted on Facebook that people who aren’t black shouldn’t use the black emojis. is that super annoying of her or is that just me?

Delete your fucking Facebook.

Do you think Scientology will ever crumble?

Of course it will. At the end of the day, it’s just a multi-generational tax dodge. I give it a few more decades before it collapses under the weight of its own sinister ridiculousness.


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