Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

I’m a high end escort. Is it wrong to sleep with men I know are married and/or cheating, even though I’m getting paid?
Willfully participating in infidelity is pretty much the only ethical grey area of your job, but in terms of moral high ground, that still puts you above the average lawyer.

I’m thinking of sending a letter to my ex boyfriend. Even though we love each other, we broke up because our relationship wasn’t realistic on the long run, and it feels like this letter would be the final closure for me. Is it a good idea to sign it with “love” then my name?
Yes. Write the letter, sign it with love, and then don’t send it. Trust me. Stick it in a drawer for at least three months. If you forget about it, great. If you don’t, pull it out and read it. If you still wanna send it, send it. If not, even better.

You once said “if you insist on adding anything other than ice to your whiskey, that list ends at vermouth and bitters.” Does this mean you don’t have cocktails? I can’t wrap my head around why you would deny yourself something so delicious.
Most cocktails are just a means of adding sugar to alcohol. Sometimes a bartender will impress me, but nine times out of ten, anything on the menu is way too sweet for my taste.

How do you resist the urge to rebound?
I don’t. I rebound hard and on purpose. It’s practically a ritual.

Why do most of your readers/fans tend to be female?
Because men don’t ask for directions.

Aren’t you sort of an anonymous life coach?
No, I don’t coach people. I just answer questions. If anything, I’m more of an anonymous pop guru.


28 thoughts on “On fun-sized advice

  1. Colleen says:

    “Sometimes a bartender will impress me, but nine times out of ten, anything on the menu is way too sweet for my taste.”

    Thank you. Somewhat related: You’ve just check my ID; you know how old I really am. At my age, if I’ve just ordered whiskey (or a sipping tequila, up, or a gin martini) from you, please assume I know what I’m doing, even if I’ve somehow fooled you into thinking I’m a delicate flower.

    • Perspectivator says:

      I however am here to act as a counterbalance and enjoy all the fruity beverages…mostly because I can’t drink due to migraines. But even so, I am the eternal mote of yang in yins eye.

  2. Gerry says:

    For my closure with my ex, I took the advice of someone that said write three letters. One that states how you feel. Second, how you think they would respond and third, how you wish they would respond.
    I wrote the letters honestly. They were never written to be sent but it helped me with the closure.

  3. Perspectivator says:

    I don’t know how much you enjoy writing. But consider writing two letters. One is to him and for him with the loving goal of making it easier to part without a trace of your own ego or rationalization. The other is to yourself as a contemplation.

        • Violet says:

          Exactly. I can recognize and ritualize a rebound pretty well, but being up-front about what I can and can’t offer doesn’t always prevent the other party from getting invested and then getting hurt when it ends. When that happens, I wonder if it’s just an unavoidable casualty (I was honest from the beginning about my emotional unavailability; they assured me that was fine) or a destructive, inherently selfish ritual (surely the healing it gives me doesn’t justify their pain).

          Or, hell, maybe there’s just something wrong with the shape of my ritual.

          • “being up-front about what I can and can’t offer doesn’t always prevent the other party from getting invested and then getting hurt when it ends”

            That’s not exclusive to rebounding, though. That’s just dating.

  4. Trashcan says:

    If your readers aren’t female, they’re either queer or a POC. The likelihood of a cis, straight, gender conforming, white male to be a reader of yours seems very slim. 😉

    • compagno says:

      white, heterosexual male here, who thinks Coquette is (almost) as good for my brain as espresso

      Trashcan you are and Trashcan you shall remain. Swallow more racist and sexist garbage, pal. You seem to love it.

      • dk says:

        My (straight) boyfriend reads this column, although neither of us read the comments much. We both read several advice columns (this one, Dan Savage, etc). It gives us great conversation fodder. He was already reading several when I met him, so it’s not like he does it for me.

    • Bruce says:

      Cis, straight, gender-conforming, white male here (from dismal Oklahoma, even) and I love Coquette’s shit.

      But yeah, I’m probably in a pretty slim minority in this readership.

      • N says:

        Just curious, why do you think you are probably in the minority? AKA What separates you from all the cis, etc. males who aren’t reading?

        • Bruce says:

          I’ve lived in a real city is the short version. People here don’t realize how much of their culture isn’t the “default.”

  5. ken says:

    Straight white male and regular reader here. Of course, I’m also a huge procrastinator so maybe I’m reading to avoid doing work. Regardless, I pretend it’s actually Dolly Parton reading the letters out loud in a wonderful southern drawl.

  6. Olive says:

    In general, any high-end escort worth their price should have a glut of options when it comes to clients at any one time. If it bothers you to willfully participate in somebody cheating on their girlfriend or wife, then go with a different client. The different client may also be cheating but at least if you don’t know, you can’t compromise your personal ethics, which costs you and only you, not the client or the clients relationship (but of course you shouldn’t ask them about marital status, that would be intrusive). Prostitution in general is not immoral – so this isn’t a case of “well, you’re already sinnin'”.

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