Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

He has a girlfriend, but we chat & meet all the time. I know I shouldn’t, but he makes me laugh like no one else.
Please tell me to quit it.

Quit it.

Do you think open relationships aren’t recommended for young people?
Nah, open relationships aren’t recommended for immature people.

What’s the difference between self-loathing and self-pity?
A victim mentality.

Am I doomed to a life of lovelessness?
Don’t be so dramatic.

Why is skinny sexy?
I don’t accept the premise of your question.

Why is my biggest nightmare being fat?
Because your ego justifies itself based on your body’s ability to conform to beauty standards.

I just had a rich kid tell me, “good luck trying to escape middle America.” What the fuck. How would you handle this scenario?
The proper response in that situation is, “good luck trying to get your parents to love you.”

In your opinion, is it ever acceptable to marry/spend the rest of your life with your very first boyfriend?
Sure. Even in marriage, your first doesn’t have to be your only. (And I hope you understand that “marry” and “spend the rest of your life with” are two very different things. It’s naive of you to conflate them.)

Is Trump rich enough to own ISIS?
No. That’s not even how it works. (On a side note, consider this: the leader of ISIS, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, is ranked #57 on the Forbes list of The World’s Most Powerful People. Donald Trump is only ranked #74, and that number will plummet once he’s no longer a presidential candidate.)

What is your opinion on the illegalization of hijabs?
A national law telling a woman what she can’t wear is just as oppressive as a religious law telling a woman what she must wear.

You know what? Fuck you.
Ooh. I challenged your belief system, didn’t I? For a second there, you almost changed your point of view. It’s okay. You’ll get there.


10 thoughts on “On fun-sized advice

  1. Perpectivator says:

    Your fun sized advice is as beautiful as those cut glass figurines at the truck stop, but not as maybe if they were different icons…like skulls and snakes…and brains…

    • Kenya says:

      So true, they are sharp but they reflect an inner radiance. I agree that snakes and skulls would be more appropriate though because they are taken more seriously (so should her advice should be taken).

    • J Lynn says:

      Talk about Pavlovian … the mention of truck stop figurines makes me wish I were on a road trip right now! Vivid imagery … also makes me remember how you could pick up those cheap cassette & CD comps of classic country, right next to the novelty belt buckles. And sometimes truck stops have the best diners, too. Despite her city ways, the Dolly avatar makes me imagine our Coquey could enjoy a scene like that, at least in small, occasional doses.

  2. Anonymous Poster says:

    That last one, though. I haven’t seen a lumbering fuckwit burned that badly since the last time I watched Freddy vs Jason.

    • Evette says:

      Great movie reference, haha. Also, lumbering is such a good word; I love that word. Who tell Coke fuck you? Probably some white cis gender little cheating asshole who doesn’t like that he has to treat his girlfriend nice and respect her rights as a human being. WORST KIND of loser. Nice comment, btw

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