What’s the difference between a relationship ending and a relationship failing?
A relationship can fail without ending just as easily as it can end without failing. The two often coincide, but they are not at all the same thing.
So what happens to your “spirit” or “conscience” when you die?
I’m not sure what you mean by spirit, but if you’re implying some kind of ontological dualism, I’m afraid there’s no evidence for either a dualistic spirit or anything other than total annihilation of consciousness after death.
I met someone amazing one week after breaking up with my girlfriend. We were immediately smitten. We respected each other, had a very strong connection, lots in common. It felt like love at first sight, but she was scared it was a rebound. And that’s why she broke it off. But what if it wasn’t a rebound?
It was a rebound. (Lemme clue you in to what really happened: she broke it off because you kept talking about your ex.)
I’m going back to school after being out for 10 years. Gimme some good advice.
Enjoy yourself. Soak it up. Keep your point of aim on what you’ll be doing a year after graduation, and get used to reading on an iPad, because they don’t use books anymore.
Are some of us just destined for mediocrity?
Most of us. That’s what makes it mediocrity.
What are daddy issues?
Maladaptive patterns of behavior transmitted or acquired though a dysfunctional paternal relationship.
Why do you think it’s ok to intentionally hurt someone you’re in a relationship with?
Give me a break. (Who hurt you?)
Has anyone you recognize from your real life ever written to you?
Yes. Years ago, I caught my best friend asking about a boob job.
Favourite David Bowie song?
What happened with the crush?!
As I’ve said before, my crush is still in love with someone else. I was fully aware of that going in, but my crush wasn’t. Interestingly, we were both in denial. (And we can start saying former crush now. It was a holiday affair. I got laid. I got hurt. I got over it.)
18 thoughts on “On fun-sized advice”
Is a failed relationship that doesn’t end one where the two parties are no longer dating but still are connected? (i.e. working with an ex, remaining in the same friend group, or still hanging out with them on occasion)
Or is a failed relationship one where the relationship ended as a result of someone’s actions, while a relationship that ends is one that wasn’t working out and the end was inevitable.?
Personally, I only consider a relationship a failure if I regret having been it.
Failed relationships that don’t end are the kind where those involved stay together long after the expiration date of their coupledom. Think a good old fashioned stale, middle-class, middle-American marriage.
A relationship fails when it is doing at least one party more harm than good.
If people are staying together just to stay together–out of fear, convenience, or laziness–and have stopped putting any sort of meaningful work into the relationship, or if the work being put in is one-sided, then I would consider that a failed relationship.
I started my time in university last year which was also after ten years of being out of school.
It is hard work but I love it.
We do still use textbooks here though. You can get electronic versions of most of them but I still prefer a hard copy .
I vaguely remember you writing about your best friend’s boob job. Did you come out to her after she asked you?
“Heroes” is my favorite, too. Came across it back in college when I was doing my sole one-nighter (group project that got shoved onto me to finalize before the deadline the next day) and just put it on repeat. While I understand that he wrote it for Berlin and how powerful it was/is for its moment there, when I hear it I always feel it’s like Bowie being my personal Starman cheerleader, pushing me to go the distance.
Speaking of reading on iPads, I hope your next book will be available in digital format. When is it out if I may inquire?
I am inclined to believe you, but I felt like I was over my ex. I think she brought it up more than I did.
Also, she recently reached out and said she wants to be friends. What’s that about?
Sounds like she was baiting you and you took it. She tested you and in her eyes, you failed.
She broke up with you to preserve her dignity, not because she didn’t have feelings. That’s why she still wants to be friends. If you want to be merciful, keep your distance, especially if she hints at getting back together. Something told her it wasn’t going to work out, and she’s going against her better judgment. Don’t enable that.
I am keeping my distance. But I still can’t stop thinking about her. It’s been three months. Is there no period of time after which it’s okay to see each other again and find out if there is something real and not just “rebound magic”?
I don’t know of a magic number when it comes to time, but you’ll likely find yourself thinking about her less and less as it passes. I think it’s in your best interest not to dwell on what didn’t work out but to just run toward what awaits you. That’s probably not what you want to hear but it’s the truth.
It wasn’t magical because it was a rebound. The magic was real. The only reason it was a rebound is because the new relationship was defined by your previous relationship. If you haven’t been able to stop thinking about her and (this is important) you haven’t been thinking about your previous ex AT ALL, then maybe – just maybe – you can make another go of it.
One thing you won’t be is friends. If it was magical and romantic, then it’s not suddenly going to become platonic. As I’ve said before, you can be friendly, but you aren’t ever gonna be just friends.
If you want to take another shot, your only move is to come clean and tell her, “It’s been three months, and I can’t stop thinking about you. I have real feelings for you, and of course I want you in my life, but it can’t be just as friends. I want you in my life romantically. I want us to start dating again.”
If she says no, then at least you took your shot. Time to move on. If she’s willing to give it another try and see how things go, then don’t let your previous relationship interfere IN ANY WAY.
YASSS. Exactly. It’s hard to figure out emotional clarity after a breakup like the one he has been describing. Well put, CQ.
Is it weird when people talk about your blog in front of you and they have no idea that you write it?
Or.. maybe someone you know has a hunch it is you..