Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

There are days I think I’ll have been a success if I get off this planet without killing anyone. I don’t know what my question is. I don’t know what I want you to say. I just needed to get that out.
Your standards are a bit low. As for your question, what you’re really asking is, “Why am I filled with so much anger?” I don’t know the specific answer in your case, but I can say for sure that you’ll have been a success if you get off this planet having come to terms with the source of that anger.

Married. Children. Crush/in love with someone else that I can never be with. More depressed than I’ve ever been. Losing my mind. Selfishly sending you this because you have to read it and I cant tell anyone else. I don’t have a question. Sorry.
You desperately need a therapist, preferably the type who specializes in relationships, like an MFT, or a couples counselor who also takes on individual clients. Go do that for yourself. I know you think you’re a piece of shit, but you’re not. You need someone to talk to, and you really do deserve some help.

I’m in my last quarter of college and single for the first time in my adult life. Currently weighing two dudes and want your recommendation for this life stage: seriously hot asshole with a big dick or stellar personality guy with a small one?
Both. I’m totally serious. Not only can you date both. You should date both, especially if this is your last quarter of college. Don’t try and boyfriend-up a few months before graduation. That’s a recipe for bad decisions.

Can people go through completely life-altering events like the death of a loved one and still be materialistic or superficial? Can people reach enlightenment without facing a metaphorical or physical death?
First question: very easily, yes. Second question: no, because enlightenment is itself a certain kind of death.

What are your thoughts on how the presidential race is shaping up? And do you think Cruz or Trump is scarier?
Cruz is much, much scarier. I would honestly rather have Trump as president, if but for no other reason than (and I know this sounds crazy) his Supreme Court nominees wouldn’t be bible-banging wingnut conservatives.

What was the first album you bought?
Little Earthquakes by Tori Amos. I remember being so excited that I showed it to my piano teacher. I wanted to learn how to play some of the songs, but he scolded me for listening to music that was too adult for my ears. I stopped taking piano lessons shortly thereafter.


32 thoughts on “On fun-sized advice

  1. fickle friend says:

    I feel like I’m the only person I know that thinks that Donald Trump is playing the right wing like a fiddle to get into office.

    • JC says:

      I thought that at first, but then I changed my mind. Part of me does hold out hope that this is some performance art masterpiece, but I’m not making any bets. I suppose one thing, I don’t know if you can call it good, about his candidacy is that the continued existence of rabid racism in this country has been brought out for all to see.

    • RocketGrunt says:

      Personally, I think he’s just being a celebrity and saying whatever keeps him in the spotlight. I’ve heard he’s just promoting his new book. Cruz, on the other hand, is dead serious and has every intention of getting into the White House. He’s gone from being barely acknowledged in polls to being one of the front-runners. Trump is a one trick pony who only knows how to piss people off. Cruz is an actual politician.

    • CharChar says:

      I actually think quite a few people think that, but the problem is he’s gonna want two terms. So if he ends up in the white house, I’m pretty sure the show must go on. And the show is terrifying and actively dangerous.

  2. rollertrain says:

    Few things bring out greed like the death of a family member. The greed that often manifests even before a loved one has died is truly horrifying.

  3. J Lynn says:

    Wow — pretty mature first album! My first non-kiddie vinyl was DeBarge’s “Rhythm of the Night” single, lol. 4th grade I think. Then it was on to cassettes and Whitney. There was a bit on Master of None about first records, where Rachel says her first record was something Johnny Cash — ie, way cooler than most people’s first records — and Aziz asks back, “OK, what was the next one, the Pixies? Pavement?”

    I also have a story of piano-lessons disillusionment, but dorkier — I wanted to learn to play ragtime, but my piano teacher thought everything except classical was inferior, especially anything improvised. This was in a total backwater small town, too, not some snooty place, which was probably why the piano teacher was overcompensating, plus she probably couldn’t play those other styles herself anyway. I’d heard some super-old guy play stride piano at a church-basement talent show (!) which piqued my interest. I got a few good years of lessons in, but eventually dropped it. I still play some, but never from sheet music anymore. Instead, I search the guitar chords from some pop/rock/country song I like and figure it out on the keys from there. If you ever felt like going back to it, that’s a pretty fun way to play with no pressure.

  4. Barefootsie says:

    How awful that your teacher drummed that out of you. Have you considered taking up piano lessons again since then? I can say from a similar experience that it is incredibly cathartic and liberating to be able to sit and just play what’s in my heart.

        • coskel says:

          “he scolded me for listening to music that was too adult for my ears. ”

          as someone who has spent their entire life in the classical music industry, this made me sad.
          A good teacher doesn’t question HOW you get what the lesson is meant to impart, they just make sure you get that step covered and move on the next one.

          And teaching some excellent skills along the way doesn’t hurt.

          To the commenter whose teacher was “all classical, all the time”. Not a bad way to LEARN ALL THE SKILLZ.
          Then you move on to stride piano (Fats Waller, anyone?) or atonal jazz, or minimalism or Billy Joel if that makes you hot and bothered.

          I’m going to leave you a quote before I get off my soapbox, and a (broken, so it will post) link if you want to listen to classical music.

          “Music does not have to be understood. It has to be listened to.” -Hermann Scherchen

          My station is: classical music broadcast (dot) com

  5. J Lynn says:

    ps, I also find Cruz scarier. The Donald is an asshole, to be sure, saying anything to get a reaction and play on people’s worst qualities. But the scary thing about Cruz is that he seems to be a true believer. If Trump is W, Cruz is Cheney or Rumsfeld … in fact, in his condescending zeal he reminds me of Rumsfeld quite a lot.

    • CharChar says:

      Trump is a crazy, racist, narcissistic shock-jock piece of shit, but he isn’t poisoned by religion the way that Cruz is. Which I agree makes Cruz much, much scarier.

  6. Cathy says:

    Question #1 here. I’d like to elaborate on what I wrote, but I’m not too keen on posting my story for the world to read – it’s kind of weird and there are too many identifying details. Is there any way to contact you in private? (Also, sorry for the duplicate of this comment I sent to your inbox. I was a little starstruck you’d responded.)

  7. Cathy says:

    Oh my. You responded to my inboxed question first. 😳 I’m sorry. No, I haven’t sent any secrets to that address. LOL, though.

  8. Lucy says:

    If that was your first album then you’d be much younger than I thought you’d be. Just makes you all the more amazing/intimidating (I mean this in a good way, I swear)

    • JC says:

      I think she’s talked about the difference between 20s and 30s a couple of years back. From the date of that album, she’d probably be ~35. But yeah, I hear what you are saying, very wise for her years.

  9. Ashley says:

    Ok, so I’ve found the source of my self worth/insecurity issues. HOW does one come to terms with the source? I feel like I have been working on this my entire adult life.

  10. CharChar says:

    Little Earthquakes was one of my very first albums too! Well, one of the first I bought with my own money, anyway, which at the time was babysitting money. I think I was in 7th grade when it came out? I also bought Surfer Rosa (Pixies, of course) around the same time. Man, I haven’t thought about either of those albums for years, but they flavored my tween years to a really powerful extent…I think I might give them a listen sometime soon. You’re making me feel nostalgic. 🙂

  11. dk says:

    To the person committing infidelity – you really need to read Chump Lady, Her column shows in detail how the initially unsuspecting spouses are affected by cheating. STDs, financial loss, physical danger from jealous affair partners. You risk losing your kids, or at the very least their respect. Yes, you may be unhappy. You can see a therapist and deal with that – but stop the cheating and work out your crap. Screwing someone else won’t make your crap go away, it will just multiply it. It will also create a shitload of problems for an unsuspecting spouse. It’s no way to live. (And Chump Lady doesn’t have a problem with polyamory – just lying).

  12. Ak says:

    My husband says my mother in law played little earthquakes and under the pink when he was little and just skipped the “dirty” parts. At first I was like, how did she play any of it then? But I guess he meant leather, me and a gun and maybe icicle, oh and I guess the swearing. I’m totally playing my tori albums around my yet to be born son too.

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