Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

How do the most toxic people still manage to have friends and admirers?
What’s toxic to you may be a drug for someone else. You’d be amazed at how many people crave poison.

People often wonder what the meaning of life is, the point of existence. There is none. So what’s wrong with committing suicide? It’s just skipping to the inevitable end anyway.
A meaningless existence is almost always preferable to a meaningless annihilation, and inevitability is the absolute worst reason to skip to the end.

How do you deal with the loneliness of seeing your close friends get married when you choose to be single? I’m worried that our lives will become too different and we’ll drift apart.
I wish I could tell you otherwise, but that’s exactly what will happen unless you, as the single person, put a lopsided amount of effort into maintaining the friendship. It sucks, but that’s life.

I want to cut my hair short, get tattoos down my back, quit my job, travel the world for a few months. I can’t stop thinking about death. I’m scared, but I don’t know why. Nothing about my routine changed but everything around me and inside me is starting to look different. What the fuck is happening?
Welcome to your first existential crisis. Cutting your hair and quitting your job to travel are perfectly fine, but I’d recommend not getting any tattoos until you’re on the other side. (You’ll know what I mean once you get there.)

Should I get an MFA in English first or just move to LA and try to make it as a TV writer with a BA in Psychology?
If your goal is to be a TV writer, absolutely do not get an MFA in English. Immediately move to LA and (if you must) get an MFA in screenwriting. (If you get into USC, it might even be worth it.) Start pounding out scripts, get good at pitching, and prepare yourself for a life of rejection and instability.

How much “ass-sucking” is too much when writing a cover letter for a part-time job?
Any amount is too much. Just be cordial. Make cover letters as short as possible. Introduce yourself, ask for an interview, and sign the fuck off. Let your resume do the talking.

How do you tell the difference between someone who just talks about enlightenment and someone who’s actually experienced it?
If you’re in a position where you need to tell the difference, that should be an indication in and of itself.

Has doing Dear Coquette affected your life in any way?


18 thoughts on “On fun-sized advice

  1. Perspectivator says:

    “It’s just skipping to the inevitable end anyway.”

    Believe me, I never want to see another Star Wars movie either.

  2. RocketGrunt says:

    It’s much easier to deal with friends getting married/having kids when you learn to find happiness in their happiness. If they’re not happy, you’ll probably get your friend back full-time when they divorce.

  3. Nina says:

    In my experience toxic people aren’t toxic 24/7. They’ll occasionally do good things and that can be a reason why other people are willing to stick around.

    • WilhelminaMildew says:

      Many toxic people can also be quite charming on the surface, and at the same time are skilled manipulators and/or pathological liars. It’s a combination that allows them to fool many people as to their real selves and intentions.

  4. grouch says:

    Existential crisis:

    You don’t want to go get a haircut, quit your job, and sit in the tattooist’s chair for umpteen hours, you want to be the sort of person who has short hair, tattoos, and exotic Facebook photos. So, actually do something to become more like the person you want to be – I’d tick off the easiest thing first – go get a haircut.

    Doing things that take you closer to the person you want to be is a grind (says I, googling compiler errors), but such is life.

  5. mue says:

    not living because you’re going to die follows the same logic as not leaving your bed because you’re going to end up there at the end of the day anyway.

  6. Jobless says:

    But what about when there is nothing in your resume when applying for jobs? I have a degree and work as a barista. I feel like my resume doesn’t say a lot.

      • Spoon's in the foot powder says:

        Do NOT lie on your resume. Here’s some practical tips:
        -List your current employment and skills necessary. “Customer service” “attention to detail” etc. etc. There are entire websites dedicated to finding good keywords that do actually apply to what a successful barista has to do.
        -You remember all those classes you took? List the things you learned in those classes as skills. You’ll want to make a master list of all the things you learned really well and create a new resume for every job or job type you apply to by selecting items from the big list.
        -Volunteer work. There are tons of volunteer positions and it’s a great way to network and get references. Animal shelters, children’s tutor, even religious-affiliated volunteer stuff works too. The best part about volunteering is that it’s easy to get and long term shows you are reliable.
        -Use the three major websites.,, LinkedIn is good if you are looking to attract corporate recruiters but it’s not terribly helpful for entry level positions. You might already be using those websites, but if not DEFINITELY sign up. Tip from personal experience: don’t put your cell phone number on the resumes. That was a big mistake I made last year. Put a professional sounding email address that you don’t mind being spammed. Maybe a secondary gmail account.
        -Outside help/Career coaches. It’s a lot of money and they usually try to talk you into buying a “package deal” but if you can afford to, it’s not a bad idea to pay for an hour of time to have an objective set of eyes on your resume. If you still live in the same city as your university, go to their career counseling center.

        • RocketGrunt says:

          Why not put your cell phone number on your resume? I’m just curious because I haven’t had any issues with it.
          I second the advice about volunteer work. I spent a full year volunteering with one organization, and that experience was enough to qualify me for more jobs. Every job interviewer since has brought it up and I think it’s helped me make a good impression.
          I also want to add that comparing your resume to your friends’ resumes can be super helpful. One of my friends had a professional put his together, and I copied the format to make mine look better.

          • Spoon's in the foot powder says:

            Oh I got way too many calls from “recruiters” of various plausibility. Like people who work in scientific and technical staffing companies I get, but I’m not going to sell insurance or newspapers just because you ignored my background and preferred job type to contact me.

            Of the recruiters I was interested in, I’d tell them to follow up by email and they only did about half the time. Plus the number of scam calls I got went up. Not a huge number but I still don’t like the idea of my information being mined and sold. Plus I get instant notifications when I get emailed so my phone number serves no real purpose other than awkward long calls.

            ETA: Definitely don’t post a physical address online. I forgot to mention that but it’s probably pretty obvious.

    • MN says:

      Ditto on doing some volunteer work. Get your foot through the door. If advancing your career is something you really want to do you, you’re going to have to make this a long term commitment.

      And don’t underestimate the power of networking. If you know someone who’s looking to fill a position at a company, if you’re in good standing with that person, ask them to put your resume at the top of the pile. Attend alumni meet ups in your area. Keep your ears perched, 24/7.

      Get an extra pair of eyes to read your resume. This is essential.

  7. Anna says:

    “A meaningless existence is almost always preferable to a meaningless annihilation, and inevitability is the absolute worst reason to skip to the end.”
    I disagree. Even though the biggest difference we will ever experience is between being dead and alive, it’s an infinitesimal difference. However, pursuit of pleasure and beauty retains meaning even while trapped in an ape brain in a meaningless universe. Unfortunately the only way to do that is to be alive. Once you’ve accepted that you’re going to be alive for the short/long period that you’re granted, what becomes important is how you personally define pleasure and beauty.
    Btw, I didn’t perceive the OP as being immediately suicidal, but the line between a philosophical nihilist and a suicidal person can sometimes be blurry. If the OP was is the second situation I can only beg them to please pretty please get help. Get someone to help you get help, if need be. No one deserves to the lonely and helpless death of suicide.

  8. RosaP says:

    As someone also contemplating what the OP mentioned, why is inevitability ‘the absolute worst reason to skip to the end’? I cannot think of a single reason why, and it is worrying me.

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