Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

How much sexual harassment warrants pepper spraying an individual? I get harassed often on my walk home. From the routine “show me your pretty smile” to the occasional wish of anal rape. My fear is that in pepper spraying someone that is making me feel threatened that I will end up with an assault charge. What is the best way to go about ensuring my safety when using pepper spray?
Pepper spray is a weapon of self defense. Never use it as a retaliation to verbal street harassment. Feeling threatened is not the same thing as being in fear of imminent bodily harm. You’d better know the difference, because if you use pepper spray on a dude, one of you has committed assault, and if it wasn’t him assaulting you first, you’re fucked.*

*So if someone put their hand up my skirt, or grabbed my boob, could I mace them in the face then? Because for me that constitutes bodily harm.
Yes, absolutely. If someone deliberately makes harmful or offensive physical contact with you (especially if it’s sexual), that’s assault. You can totally mace a dude if he’s grabbing your boob or has his hand up your skirt. That constitutes self-defense. What you can’t do is chase the guy down when he runs away or find him later and then mace him. That’s no longer self-defense.

Why do people hate Hilary Clinton so much?
Because she’s a woman. If she were the exact same candidate, but a man, she would be respected by those who currently hate her. (Except for the folks who hate her from the far left because of her corporate centrism and war record, but those are the same type assholes who got George W. Bush elected by voting for Ralph Nader in 2000.)

I’m 26 and I have to get the hell out of the bay area. Somewhere less expensive with lots of green things. Suggestions?
For some reason, I feel like Asheville, North Carolina would be the perfect place for you. If you need a bigger city than that, go with Nashville. If you wanna stay West of the Rockies, go with Portland. Maybe also consider Denver, Austin, and New Orleans.

I’m finally on the right dosage of meds and seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist. I’m MUCH better, but I still lose some hours to panic and despair. Even with the klonopin. Is this just how it’s going to be forever? What the fuck do I do?
No, this is not how it’s going to be forever. It will take time, and I know right now you can’t tell the difference between a couple years and forever, but I promise, if you keep putting in the work, you will keep getting better.

You can’t just say you want a starmate after your history of shooting down everyone who yearns to have one such person. Maybe that’s karma for you.
A) That’s not how karma works. B) I don’t shoot down people who want to be in love. I shoot down people who believe in romantic destiny. C) I can say whatever I want. For instance, go fuck yourself.

Why can’t I help but feel that billionaires are better than me?
Because you think they earned it.

Where do your authority issues come from?
My authority issues come from consistently being wiser and having more integrity than those in authority.

Senpai notice me.


31 thoughts on “On fun-sized advice

  1. JC says:

    The thing about street harassment is that it’s meant to upset you.

    The one response I have found that seems to turn it around somewhat is to ask, “does that ever work?”

    If it’s consistently the same person(s) doing it, report them to the police for lewd behavior.

    • K says:

      The best response is to engage them in conversation and explain clearly that you don’t find them at all even remotely physically attractive. Ask them how they would feel if a really ugly chick came up to them and started trying to flirt. Explain that that is exactly how you feel. When they start listing their financial assets, which for some reason they always do, explain that you don’t care about their house or their car. You want a Magic Mike. Ask to see their six pack. Ask if they have any younger, hotter friends. They will get confused and walk away deflated.

      • Naw player says:

        Being harrased and threatened is absolutely not the same as when “an ugly chick tries to flirt” and that comparison is unbelievably insulting. Ask to see their six pack? Oh yeah I forgot harrassment is cool as long as the dudes ripped!

        Your whole comment is rude and gross.

        • JC says:

          Indeed, wtf? Harassment and flirting are not even remotely the same thing. Both can be unwanted attention, but flirting is meant to make you feel good about yourself and your interaction with that person. Harassment is meant to demean you and make you feel uncomfortable. Harassment is a technique used by assholes to exert a sense of power over another person. Making the guy feel like more of a loser isn’t helpful. Reminding him that this behavior is a clear tip-off that he’s a loser can be more effective.

  2. WhoAmI says:

    “If you need a bigger city than that, go with Nashville. If you wanna stay West of the Rockies, go with Portland. Maybe also consider Denver, Austin, and New Orleans”
    Coquette, you coy bastard.

    • Kelly says:

      In my opinion, a smart person is someone who has a high capacity for integrating new information. It’s about ability. Gaining wisdom requires that you be willing to be wrong – even actively seeking bring proven wrong. It’s about vulnerability.

  3. rollertrain says:

    Asheville is an awesome city full of weirdos and art. NC is beautiful. Moved here in 2000 and love it more errry day.

  4. plop says:

    (There’s a typo in the second question about Clinton, double “the”. Only saying ‘cos you asked us to tell you if we ever spot something.)

  5. Katie says:

    Oof. I was the one who asked about my mental health, and I really, really needed to read that today. I am so fiercely grateful!

  6. me says:

    I hate Hilary Clinton because of the “tough on crime” policies that she advocated in the 90’s that have directly contributed to the criminalization and marginalization of POC. Not to mention the welfare reforms she advocated to the same effect. If she were a man with the same history of racism, I would hate her just the same.

    • Bernie 2016 says:

      I disagree with Coke that a Harry Clinton would automatically be more respected, but he sure as hell wouldn’t be *personally* criticized and hated in the same way that Hilary is.

  7. 2xta says:

    To the person asking about moving out of the Bay Area….. Nashville, Denver, and New Orleans are all great vibrant places with beautiful communities and a reasonable cost of living when compared the bay area, but I really have to recommend against Austin. As someone’s who’s lived here for the past few years it’s not a place that I’d recommend moving to – it’s where mediocrity comes to thrive, and where everyone who’s too dumb for New York and too ugly for LA comes to kick it. It’s all hype and no substance.

    Great for a weekend getaway though.

    • CynicalGrey says:

      Yeah, because mousy hacks are worse than the substantial gerrymandering racists who keep the poors out of their beautiful hills. Or at least south of the river.

  8. Elliot says:

    “but those are the same type assholes who got George W. Bush elected by voting for Ralph Nader in 2000.”

    Nader wasn’t a siphon for once-democrat votes. His base was always non-voters.

    • The Coquette says:

      Nader voters weren’t mainstream, but that doesn’t mean they were non-voters. Think of it like this: 97,421 people voted for Nader in Florida. If only 1 out of 100 of those voters would’ve instead voted for Gore had Nader not been on the ballot — that’s only 974 votes — Gore would’ve won Florida and the election. That’s how close it was. Instead we got Bush, the worst U.S. President in modern history.

      I will never forgive Nader for that.

  9. Redpandacat says:

    The cities response is hilarious, but if you truly want a “cheaper” place to live, I don’t think Austin or Nashville are good choices. I live in Nashville now and am dreaming of the day I can move to a cheaper place – and most people moving to Austin can’t afford to actually live in the city limits anymore.

    Go to Birmingham. It’s cheap, has the most green space per capita in the nation, and I lived in a one-bedroom in a historic neighborhood for $600/month.

    • The Coquette says:

      Birmingham is lovely if you’re in the Tory Burch set, but if you’re coming from the land of Birkenstocks, Asheville is gonna be a much better fit.

  10. Maggeleh says:

    If you choose Asheville, for the love of all the gods bring your job with you. We’ve got none other than hospitality and tourism (and you’ll be competing with about 100 MFAs and PhDs in Art History or Folklore and Mythology for a hotel desk job that pays $9 an hour).

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