Are feelings rational?
Feelings are emotions that have come into awareness. It’s not that feelings are irrational. It’s just that rationality doesn’t apply to feelings. Rationality applies to thoughts. The way you think about your feelings and any subsequent behavior can be rational or irrational, but that speaks to the thoughts and behaviors, not the feelings themselves.
Love will never be possible for me because no one will ever live up to my standards. I want someone who’s smarter and more confident than me. Someone to make me a better person. Mostly I want a man and not a boy. So how do I go about solving this problem?
There is only one problem here to solve. You want someone to make you a better person. Fuck that. It’s poison. You will never be happy as long as you expect someone other than yourself to make you a better person. You can have all the rest of it, but you have to take responsibility for your own self-improvement.
My boyfriend of five years just told me he would buy me razor blades if I would kill myself with them. I feel low.
Yeah, you are a victim of emotional abuse. That’s real shit, and it has the same cycle with the same long-term damage as physical abuse. Five years is enough, wouldn’t you say? I know it’s scary, but I think you might find that you’ll feel surprisingly less low if he was out of your life.*
*I got your second letter. You don’t need a breakup. You need immediate domestic violence intervention. Your situation is very serious. Please send me your email and let me know what city you live in, and I will try and help point you to some local resources.
We’ve been together three years. Aren’t the trust issues supposed to go away after a while?
Time isn’t what cures trust issues. Integrity is, but all the integrity in the world can’t get through without open, honest communication. That’s why it’s taking so long.
Why am I always suspicious of men who express an attraction to my looks? What am I afraid of?
It’s not that you’re afraid. It’s that on some fundamental level, you don’t believe them, and so that automatically makes you suspicious.
Hypothetically, let’s say I get permission from his wife to fuck him. Isn’t it still unethical because I’m responsible for taking away time from his home and kids?
Nah, if they’re in an open relationship and you get his wife’s permission, it’s no more unethical than if he took that same amount of time to go play a round of golf. Parents are entitled to personal recreation, and I’m sure he knows better than to be off fucking you instead of showing up to a parent/teacher conference.
On Friday we informally (on snapchat) joked (but not really) about not seeing anyone else but each other. On Saturday I had amazing (unplanned) sex with someone else…
If you’re writing me, you must be feeling guilty. That’s a good thing, because it means you have a conscience, and you also like this guy. If you want to be exclusive with him, make it a real conversation, and stick to your word.
What do people like you who happily go around saying ‘fuck the police’ think would really happen in a world without police?
There are many versions of a world without police. Some are a feudalistic horror show, and some are a utopian ideal. We haven’t reached a point in our sociological evolution where police aren’t necessary, but we have reached a point where it’s okay to acknowledge that they are, at best, a necessary evil. If you’d like to know more about what I mean when I say fuck the police, feel free to read, “On fucking the police.”
Do you think you’re in your last lifetime? I’m betting you’re an old soul and have learned a lot of past life lessons. Hence why you’ve become an “Accidental Guru.” Maybe you are more of a real one.
There is only one life.