You recently answered a question on the “cut-off date” for someone you’re not in love with. I am in love with my partner. However, I cried when I read the guideline questions you responded with (needs being met, effort required etc).
What difference does the fact that you’re in love with a person make to a cut-off date? Because at the moment it doesn’t feel like the love factor changes anything other than the level of hurt involved.
The love factor makes zero difference to the cutoff formula, but it changes the answer to the question, “Would it be worth it?”
Here’s the big question. Is your partner also in love with you? If so, and you’re both genuinely in love with one another, then the answer to whether it’s worth it becomes an almost definite yes.
You’re right, it will hurt, and it will take a shit-ton of relationship work, but if you’re both in love, that’s usually enough motivation to improve the relationship unless too much reality starts getting in the way.
Now, if your partner isn’t in love with you (and likely won’t be), then you’re really fucked. Sorry. You can’t be the only one making the effort to improve the relationship, especially if you’re the one whose physical, mental, and emotional needs aren’t being met.
Again, I’m sorry if that’s what’s happening with you. It really sucks to be stuck in love with someone who isn’t in love with you and refuses or is incapable of meeting your basic needs in a relationship. That is a recipe for undignified misery.
If that’s the case, and you know in your heart that it’s never gonna get any better no matter how much work you pour into it, then you need to summon up all your strength and commit the equivalent of relationship seppuku. When a relationship needs to end, I always recommend making a fast, clean, and merciful cut. Unfortunately, in this instance, you’d be the one who has to wield your own blade.