Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

Do you have general advice for seventeen-year-old girls?
As you develop your identity, seek as little approval as possible.

Why did I get so freaked out when my girlfriend dyed her hair? Am I shallow or just stupid? Or both?
Yeah, she’s gonna dump you in the next few weeks. Welcome to break-up season, motherfuckers.

My husband annoys the fuck out of me.
Of course he does. He’s a daily reminder that you’ve given up.

Any tips on how to tell if a married man is lying about being in an open relationship, without asking his wife?
Look him in the eye and say, “Tell me about how you and your wife decided to open up your marriage.” You’ll immediately know if he’s full of shit.

What is the difference between a garden-variety asshole with room to grow and a sociopath/narcissist that’s rotten to the core?
The capacity to modify maladaptive behavior.

Is narcissism a bad thing?
It’s the worst thing.

What is the difference between seeking vengeance and seeking justice?
Justice restores balance. Vengeance perpetuates chaos.

My whole life I would say “Jesus, why do women need to dye their hair so much? What’s wrong with just letting the color be what it is?” Now, a 24 year-old woman myself, I’ve just gotten my first blondish highlights. Is this a symbolic moment of some sort?
Yeah, no. You’ve confused multiple layers of meaning for multiple layers of hair color, but hey, feel free to keep wasting your life with simple nonsense.

What do you think of the smarm vs. snark debate?
Team snark for life, bitches.


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