Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

You can’t just go marching back here like you didn’t ABANDON me for MONTHS on end with no real explanation MOM.
I can do whatever I want.

Look….I understand being too busy for the blog, I understand being too busy for the advice column….but can we, pretty please, get a playlist? I miss those so much!

A friend just told me she 100% believes in ghosts, and I’m just so irritated. I don’t have a question.
This is America. You’re gonna have to get used to all the dumdums believing in a vast array of painfully stupid shit.

I listen to music that is much cooler than I am.
No you don’t. You are exactly as cool as the music you love.

How do you make friends as an adult? Moved to a new city, have a decent job but am the only person in their early 20’s, everyone else is married with kids and acts like it.
Making new friends in a new city after college isn’t automatic. You have to work at it like it’s a second job. You have to put yourself out there. It’s almost like dating. (I mean, shit. There’s a reason BumbleBFF is a thing.) It also takes time. In my experience, it takes about two years to develop a new and genuine friend set from scratch. If every six months you get to know one new person you want to keep in your life, you’re ahead of the curve.

Guys from dating apps keep asking me to FaceTime before meeting up. What the fuck? Is this what we do now?
It’s what you do apparently. It’s not what I do. A grown-ass man wants a piece of my time, he’s gonna invite me to dinner or drinks like a proper goddamn adult. Fucking hell. If you post-millennial shitbirds start making me do the whole “back in my day” routine I swear to god I will burn this motherfucker down.

What is Jordan Peterson wrong about? I love you both by the way.
Ugh. I am so sick of hearing that man’s name. I get why there’s some crossover in my readership and his fandom, but I don’t want anything to do with that Canadian hack. He’s not worth my time. If you want a deadly accurate assessment of Jordan Peterson, go watch ContraPoint’s YouTube video. She nails it so I don’t have to. (Actually, go watch all of ContraPoint’s YouTube videos. She is hilarious and amazing and deserves her own Netflix series.)

Does it get easier, making conscious choices to change in the moment? Or is it always a slog?
Making conscious choices to change in the moment will always be difficult. What gets easier is everything else.

Going to a music festival alone. Good or bad idea?
Go. Just go. Quit worrying about the stupid idea and just go do all the things.

How would you like to be remembered? How do you actually think you’ll be remembered?
I won’t be remembered. None of us will. We will each be known briefly by the few who love us, and then we will all be dead forever.


37 thoughts on “On fun-sized advice

  1. Dani says:

    The fact that you like ContraPoints just makes me respect you all the more, Coke. I’ve gotten into that channel in the last few months and it’s the exact shot of rationality and humor I’ve needed since November 2016.
    And yes, Natalie deserves all the money.

  2. Sarah says:

    You’ve already answered both the question on smart speakers and the one on being successful before. They were in the same post, even.

    • Helena says:

      Noticed that and felt like such a loser.

      Nonetheless what does bum me out a little is that it indicates that there might be a relatively thin selection of questions that CQ has chosen earlier and saved, that could have been submitted basically anytime. I guess part of the charm to me is the notion that the conversation was live. But hey, who cares. I for one mostly try stop myself from writing thank you-notes all the goddamn time. I’ve no problem saying I’m happy for whatever in this. Don’t even care.

    • The Coquette says:

      Wow. Good catch, Sarah and Helena. I’ve deleted the two duplicated questions, and I’ve added two new ones. I had to go back and figure out how I fucked that up, and it turns out that due to a sorting error, I was selecting questions from January instead of August. Thank you both for paying such close attention to my work. I’m kinda embarrassed, but I’m also kinda honored that y’all noticed.

      • Helena says:

        CQ I’m such a fucking silly fangirl that I’m happy you wrote my name – ha! Glad to hear your wordsmithery is as current as I ever thought, although nothing would have changed my mind.

      • Sarah says:

        I read through your website when I’m bored at work and things you say tend to be memorable! My job also incidentally requires me to have a good eye for detail. So, you know.

      • v says:

        Well, if it’s of any help, you answered the question about going to a festival alone too, but years ago. Can’t fault you for not remembering!

        • GG says:

          I asked this question, and I remembered yours, but I asked it anyway because, for some reason, I thought her answer might’ve changed and also I desperately needed a dose of confidence.

          What festival was it?

    • Chris says:

      Jesse Ventura said it best: The US leads the world in believing in angels. And that’s about where we leave being #1 any chart.

  3. Alexis says:

    I was the one who asked the FaceTime question! I never agree to a FaceTime beforehand either. I’m not going to audition for you, and if I turn out to be a catfish, so what? Chalk up your losses to the game and move on. I find it so childish and entitled. I 100% agree with you.

    Also I am Gen Z.

    • flblbl says:

      CQ and Peterson’s audiences have an intersection in the “rational thinking” and “skeptic” communities. That’s about it, but it’s still a pretty big online crowd.

    • Grouch says:

      I didn’t get all the way through, but it had a bit of that satisfying ring things have when someone is echoing the things you think in your head(I know echo chambers are bad, but I’m human, I like it when people agree with me). I suspect that the alt-right, and “skeptics”* gravitate to him for the same reason that fat activists do what they do. In Peterson’s case, it’s “I don’t want to use someone’s preferred pronouns, you can’t make me”, and I think a lot of people hate trans people. They’re also a bit scared, and they’re happy to memorize some talking points, and rally around someone who says that they don’t have to change, it’s okay, they don’t have to adjust to a new, uncomfortable reality, they’re perfectly justified staying the same.

      *I hate using quote marks like that, but it seems like people who call themselves “skeptics”, are really just knee-jerk contrarians. It makes them feel smart and they have tacky tshirts.

  4. G says:

    I went to a cool four day music festival solo this year and had such a grand time..and I’m an introvert! Met bands, did what I wanted, made friends.
    Do it

  5. Albert says:

    Oh! I was so scared to go to a festival alone, but I ended up making cool friends and got some free tequila from some dildo salesmen from Mexico city. Life is wonderful!

  6. Kat says:

    “I won’t be remembered. None of us will. We will each be known briefly by the few who love us, and then we will all be dead forever.”

    lol damn son

  7. Grouch says:

    If we’re exactly as cool as our music, I’m a black hole. I suck in all light, and am the coolest because NOTHING MOVES. I listen to a lot of Bach played on period instruments. I am the ultimate hipster.

        • The Coquette says:

          Wait, for real? He’s a psychology professor and he denies the existence of white privilege? What a fucking asshat. (Knowing Peterson, he’d immediately deny the denial. His whole schtick is parsing language for plausible deniability.)

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